Weight of the World
by doeme227
Summary: When Beca and Chloe face hardships in their lives, they are both sent to Barden Abbey Treatment Centre. Each with their own problems, can they overcome them while growing closer together? Co-Written with pitch-perfection!
1. Beca

Author: pitch—perfection and doeme227/lixxy227

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series, and definitely in more depth later on. Rosie and I would really love you guys to read this story as we've been working super hard on it but if you think it might be triggering in any way then please refrain from reading unless you think you will be okay with it! We're trying as hard as we can to make all of this as accurate as possible and we would love your feedback and constructive criticism on whether you liked it and if we could make it more realistic in any way!**

**Prologue (Part 1 – Beca)**

'_Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.' – Albert Einstein _

It was a habit born out of a made up superstition. A complicated beat, tapped out on whatever surface I could reach. I'd tap until I was ready to speak. If I couldn't speak, I'd keep tapping.

Over and over again, I'd cue myself up. _Tap, tap taptaptaptap. Tap, tap, taptaptaptap. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and speak—_ but there was nothing. There were never words.

Eventually I stopped trying to speak, I just kept tapping instead. Sometimes, I felt the urge to try again but as usual, I could never form the words.

Words never came easily to me. As a child I rarely spoke to anyone other than my parents. I suppose most people assumed I was just shy but they didn't understand. They didn't understand that I felt nauseous whenever I even _thought_ about speaking, let alone tried. I could speak to my parents, though not freely. The fear and the feeling of wrongdoing by doing so always sat tightly in my chest.

School was the worst. Days full of the paralysing anxiety of being surrounded by strangers. Lunchtime spent sitting in a small alcove round the side of the science building, away from prying eyes and bullying minds.

My parents, angry and tired of my anxious mutism, turned on each other in my teenage years. Their arguments leaving burning impressions in my mind. I knew I was the cause. If they couldn't communicate with their own daughter then how could they expect to communicate with each other?

Ultimately, around the age of 17, I stopped talking completely. It was a devastating blow to my parents although they had probably long suspected it would eventually happen. Their fights about me coupled with a confession of unfaithfulness by my father really put the last nail in the coffin of their marriage. Within months of my complete silence, my parents had separated and divorced.

As a result of the divorce I was given an ultimatum. Either find a way to 'get over the mute thing myself' or be forced to see a doctor.

I tried. I really did. I sat in the cafeteria at school during lunch and forced myself to try and look people in the eye if they were addressing me. Of course I failed miserably. All I managed to do was make myself a bigger target for the school bullies. In truth, I only really tried for about two weeks before I reverted back to my small comforts. Back to the alcove that was always there to give me the privacy I desperately needed and never _ever_ looking somebody in the eye.

To look into someone's eyes, really look into them and hold that connection is a deeply personal action that I have never done. Sure, I can fleetingly look at someone's eyes as they address me before skittishly dropping my gaze again but to hold the stare long enough to allow a 'bond' to form was absurd.

By the time I graduated high school, my parents, emotionally numbed from the traumatic blows dealt by both their vicious divorce and I, had decided it was time to take action.

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"Progressive Selective Mutism paired with Social Anxiety Disorder."

The doctor made it sound so clean cut and simple.

"She needs professional help. There's a private treatment centre out near Barden. I feel Beca could truly benefit from the treatment given there"

I couldn't help but feel the anxiety build very rapidly as the thought of being sent to an unfamiliar place flooded my mind and overwhelmed me. The panic was suffocating and I felt their eyes on me. My parents, who could barely stand to be within a mile of each other, sat crammed into this small office space as they were finally given their opportunity to rid themselves of the one thing that still linked them together. Me.

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It was exactly 23 days after my diagnosis that I was packing a small suitcase full of clothes and items of comfort to me. A small, stuffed penguin named Mr Waddle given to me by my father as a child packed tightly next to a battered paperback copy of 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' and a sketchbook with my small collection of art supplies.

My laptop, always within arms reach, was separately packed, ready for inspection by the staff at the treatment centre to ensure there was no inappropriate or illegal content residing on it. There was nothing except my music on there so I was certain there wouldn't be a problem but the thought of leaving my laptop with an unfamiliar person for 24 hours made the familiar heart gripping sensation slowly creep up my chest. I knew I wouldn't be able to cope if my music was ripped away from me any longer than that.

"Beca hurry up! You can't miss your flight!"

Cue the overwhelming panic.

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It was only after one nerve destroying flight, a terrifying meeting with the head doctor once arriving and being introduced to the staff I'll be 'interacting' with that I found myself sitting on one of the two beds in my bedroom.

I'm not sure how long I sat there for, unmoving and unresponsive until the gripping fear in my chest managed to wind down and release me from its hold. Once I finally regained the feeling in my limbs, I slowly stood, gripping the nearby desk for support and surveyed my surroundings.

It was a lot different than I expected it to be. A warm pastel orange covered the walls. It was a far cry from the sterile white I expected it to be. The bed I perched on actually felt like it would be comfortable to sleep in while the view from the window over the large lake that backed onto the centre grounds made for a beautiful sight.

I opened my suitcase and began unpacking. Clothes perfectly folded and placed strategically in the wardrobe. The sketchpad I brought set out on the left side of the desk with my art supplies perfectly lined up ready for use. My overused book on the right, perfectly parallel to the edge of the desk. I purposefully left a space in the middle for my laptop, my headphones already placed there, waiting to be used.

As I sat back down on my bed and placed Mr Waddle on the pillows, a sudden thought popped into my mind that instantly paralysed me with fear. As my eyes shot to the other side of the bedroom, they landed on the second bed residing there. I could only form one thought in my mind.

'Am I supposed to have a roommate?'

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About three weeks after I first arrived, I found myself adjusting to the routine here. At 8.30am I would wake up and get a shower. 9am was time for breakfast. It was weird to sit in the cafeteria and not be subjected to the abuse I was used to. At 10am my sessions would start. The first was a 2-hour private session with Dr Phillips. Of course everything he tried wasn't working. I could have told him that I'm a lost case. Well, if I could communicate with him that is.

After lunch I would head to a group therapy session. Starting at 2pm, I would sit on a chair in a circle with 9 other patients where one by one they would all share something. Even if it was just a useless fact, the point was to tackle our social anxiety and help us relax around others. Of course, every time it came to me I sat frozen, my stare directed at the floor until they moved onto the next person.

My day ended with a one-hour private shaping session. Working with one of the consultants who tried to encourage me to interact non-verbally with the aim of progressing onto sounding out the sounds of letters and eventually hoping to have me whisper words. Once again, I would love to be able to tell them that their efforts are in vain.

I usually spent all my free time in my bedroom, working on a mix, reading or simply staring at the view out of my window.

It was one evening, after another tedious day of failed attempts to 'help' me, that I was sat on the armchair in my bedroom. Once again I was immersed in the one book I had, my imagination taking me to Narnia. Perhaps in Narnia, I would be able to talk? I would be lying if I said I had never tried to climb through the back of my wardrobe in a desperate attempt to fall through to a world where all the rules were different.

As I sat engrossed in my book, I suddenly heard a noise. Still half absorbed with the story, my eyes lifted to find the source of the sudden sound. As my eyes flicked up, I suddenly found myself captured by… a pair of eyes? A pair of warm, brilliant crystal blue eyes that had a sadness about them as they were surrounding by flaming red hair.

'Holy shit!' Was all I could think as I suddenly realised what I had done. Slamming my eyes back to my book, I could feel my face burning in embarrassment. 'How could you be so stupid?'

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the girl take a cautious step forward and in the next second, I heard it.

"Hi, I'm Chloe"


	2. Chloe

**Author: pitch—perfection and doeme227/lixxy227**

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series and definitely in more depth later on.**

**We had hoped to have this up a few days ago but technical difficulties got in our way! HOWEVER, we hope you enjoy this part and as usual, any feedback or constructive criticism (or overwhelming fanmail) is more than welcome!**

**Until next time!**

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**Prologue (Part 2 – Chloe)**

'_There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, and unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.' – Laurie Halse Ansderson_

My reflection was something I spent a long time looking at, maybe more than anything else. I was pale skin, I was sallow cheeks, I was bones. But more than anything else I was tears. Watching the stream of salty tears running down my face I began to realise exactly what I had been doing to myself all this time. I was disgusting.

I pinched the fat on my stomach and my thighs. Somewhere buried inside my brain I knew that I was too thin, I knew that I had taken this too far, but in some strange masochistic way unexplainable even to myself I liked it and in an even more unexplainable way, I didn't know how to stop.

I was always popular in High School. I always had friends, and everybody loved me. I was head of the cheerleading squad, I was prom queen, and I dated the quarterback. But there was always a part of me that no body else could know about, a part of me that I kept hidden deep inside. And that was how it all started.

I knew from a young age that I was different to my friends. They all talked about boys and gossiped about male celebrities and it never felt right to me. I tried to convince myself, I tried so hard, but there was always a niggling feeling inside telling me that this wasn't me; that I wasn't the same.

I guess I realised I was gay when I was about fifteen. This realisation came with an awareness that I could never tell any of my friends or family. My parents were very strict Christians who believed the word of God like law. They openly expressed their revulsion for homosexuals on almost a daily basis; how it was a sinful life to lead and how gays should never be able to get married or have children. Two things I had always dreamed of for myself. So I locked it up inside. I ignored it all and got myself a boyfriend, like I was supposed to.

I started skipping meals in my senior year; it made me feel powerful, like I had some semblance of control over my life. I enjoyed seeing the weight drop off my bones and I would always feel incredible when I reached my goal, setting an even lower one for myself each time. This feeling of dominance over my life lasted for a while; I felt on top of the world when I managed to successfully avoid eating all day or when people complimented me on how skinny I was. Thinking back it was these comments which spurred me on. But soon enough everything came crashing down around me.

During my first year at Barden my parents began to notice my weight loss. Living so close to home was difficult because it made everything so much harder to hide. They commented on how thin I had gotten but I always brushed it off with excuses about workload or lectures or clubs and not having time to eat, but it was so much more than that.

By the time that the end of freshman year was closing in I spent almost all my time in my room, only leaving for lectures and exams. Aubrey was the only thing keeping me going. She was my rock over the entire summer, texting and calling me everyday to make sure that I was doing okay. The only reason she even went home to New York for the break was because I promised that I would try and get better, that I'd start eating and going out again. Of course I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to. No one wanted to see me like this.

School started again in September and I was thankful to be out of the house. My parents had been unbearable over the summer. They watched my every move, clearly suspicious, and forced me to eat dinner with them every night. Little did they know that every night after eating I would sprint upstairs as fast as my tiny frame would carry me and rid myself of what I had just ingested until there wasn't a drop left in my stomach. I would see blood in the toilet bowl, purging until my throat burned. Afterwards I felt calm and relaxed and clean, I told myself I had done well.

Aubrey was so busy at the beginning of sophomore year that she has less time to watch over me, and I got worse and worse. I didn't leave our room; I only went to one or two classes a week, and sometimes I didn't even go at all. I would spend hours and hours looking at myself in the mirror, picking out the parts that I hated and figuring out what I could do to change.

All of the friends I had made at the beginning of last year had forgotten about me, and the only time my phone rang was Aubrey telling me she was on her way home, or my Mom checking in. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I didn't see the point in being on this earth anymore. I knew I wouldn't be able to get better because I had gone way past the point of no return. The darkness was dragging me into its depths. I had become the darkness and all the light in my life had gone. My flaws swam around me in my dreams, both day and night, and I didn't know what to do. I tried to ignore the pain inside of me; the voice telling me to end it all but my ability to do so was decreasing every day.

So there I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my miniscule frame. I stared at my tear-stained face for a few moments. All I could see was my bones jutting out at obscure angles, looking as if they could break with one touch. I knew no one would, or could, ever love me like this. In that moment I decided what to do. I leant over and turned the bath on, watching the water full up to the brim. After turning the taps off I walked calmly to the kitchen, picking up one of the large knives. I stopped for a minute and touched the cool metal with my finger, running the tip along the blade. I could do this.

I lowered myself into the bathtub, knife precariously balanced on the porcelain edge. As an afterthought I grabbed my phone from the floor and sent one last text. To Aubrey. All it said was 'I love you'.

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I followed the large, confident nurse through the door, looking at her sizeable stomach as she waddled along. I silently wondered what it would be like to look like that. I wondered to myself whether she hated herself and whether she was comfortable in that body. If she was then I envied her. I envied people who could live their lives not caring about their weight or what they looked like, simply being confident that what they were was enough. My train of thought was interrupted as she turned to me, giving me a reassuring smile as she opened the heavy door.

The first thing I noticed when I looked inside the room was that it looked more like an actual bedroom than the room I'd been residing in for the past few weeks. The doctors had informed me two days prior that I was no longer deemed a risk to myself and I could be moved to this new hospital. It was more like a private treatment centre, and I guess I was lucky that my parents could afford to pay the steep prices to have me in there.

The nurse turned to me, patting me gently on the shoulder and gestured towards a petite woman sitting comfortably on an armchair in the corner, knees tucked up to her face which was completely immersed in the book she was reading. Hearing the noise she looked up and stared intently at me for several seconds, her grey-blue eyes bearing straight into my soul before she blushed profusely and her eyes darted quickly back to her book.

I slowly took one step forward, pulling my sleeves down around my hands.

"Hi, I'm Chloe"


	3. Chapter 1

**Author: pitch—perfection and doeme227**

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series and definitely in more depth later on.**

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been ages but unfortunately life has been getting in the way AGAIN! Hopefully this will make up for it! ENJOY!**

**Chapter 1**

"Hi, I'm Chloe."

The redhead stood in front of Beca for a moment before turning to the nurse when the brunette didn't offer a reply.

"Don't take it personally dear. This is your roommate Beca Mitchell." Nurse Kay said before leaning in slightly towards Chloe and dropping her voice. "Beca suffers from mutism and social anxiety, don't take it personally if she doesn't talk or look at you. Eye contact is a big no-no for her."

Nurse Kay straightened up before directing her voice at the brunette in the corner. "Beca, this is Chloe. She's going to be your roommate for the duration of your stay here, ok?"

Upon seeing Beca's eyes flicker in her general direction and offer a nod in response, Nurse Kay turned on her heel and left the room to return to the nurses station.

Chloe watched Nurse Kay leave before turning back to cast a long look around the bedroom. Contrary to what she thought the place would be like; the Barden Abbey Treatment Centre was far from what popped into mind of a stereotypical clinic. In fact, the Centre was more like a secure manor house, the only giveaway of its true purpose being the welcoming sign at the entrance.

The bedroom was nice enough. In fact, the more she glanced around the room, Chloe found it to closely resemble a typical dorm room, something that the redhead was surprised to find extremely comforting.

As her eyes continued to explore, a small movement in her peripherals suddenly reminded Chloe that she was, in fact, sharing the bedroom with someone. Looking directly at Beca, Chloe took in the small brunette's profile.

Clearly, she was closed off, that much was obvious from her body language. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, one arm wrapped tightly around them and her head was bowed, turned to the side to rest on her knees as she read her book. Chloe couldn't help but feel a tug in her chest at the sight.

With a sigh, the redhead turned back to her own side of the room. With one last glance across the room at Beca, Chloe spoke softly to herself.

"I guess I'll just unpack then."

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Beca could feel the redhead's gaze on her. The stare from those beautifully blue eyes was wrecking havoc on Beca's nerves.

'How could I have been so stupid?' Beca's thoughts clouded her mind. 'What a stupid mistake. What if she expects me to talk to her? What's wrong with her? Why is she here?' Beca's brain was going into overdrive, as it often did when she got anxious like this.

As the impacts of her prolonged eye contact with Chloe sunk in, the brunette could feel her breathing increase as the panic rose up through her chest.

Placing her book neatly to rest on the arm of the chair, Beca shifted her position slightly, wrapping both arms around her legs as she buried her face into her knees in a bid to calm herself down.

'Take deep breaths, they said. It'll calm you down, they said.' The brunette thought bitterly as she remembered the advice shared by the nurses during a recent group session. 'What a load of bullshit.'

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Chloe's first day of treatment was uneventful.

The redhead's first meeting with her doctor was to go through her treatment plan for the coming months. With her family living nearby, her doctor had requested that she have family therapy twice a week to help her realise that her condition was affecting others as well as herself. Coupled with Cognitive Analytic Therapy and the mandatory group sessions with other patients, Chloe was also to be kept on a strict feeding schedule starting with three small meals a day and gradually building up to bigger meals and higher calories.

Being forced to eat. That was the part that made her feel sick. She could cope with the therapy sessions just fine but nothing could have prepared her for having to sit down and eat the meals, and more importantly to keep them down.

The group session, however, was the most interesting part of her day. The centre had some colourful characters within its walls.

"How are you all feeling today?" Dr Nicks asked as they all sat in a circle.

"Well Doc, you see I have this nasty feeling in the back of my throat today. I think it's an old injury from when I was the best snake yodeller in Tasmania. The local aboriginals were jealous so they kidnapped me and tried to brand the back of my throat with a scalding hot elephant bone but I just unleashed my inner kraken and showed them who was boss." That was Amy, or Fat Amy, as she preferred to be addressed. A pathological liar whose lies were unbelievable and frankly hilarious. She seemed harmless. "And the nurses forgot to feed me again."

"Amy, I was there when you ate breakfast. Anyone else feel like sharing? Stacie?"

The tall brunette looked up from her nails. Chloe hadn't spoken directly to her, but according to one of the other patients, Ashley, Stacie suffered from Erotomania.

"Well today Jesse gave me my medication and gave me _two_ pills. I looked at everyone else and they only got one pill each. I think it's his way of telling me that he loves me and that as soon as I get out of here, our forbidden love can bloom." Stacie had a fixation on Jesse, one of the orderlies who worked around the centre. Everything he did was as a declaration of love for her, according to Stacie.

"Stacie, we've discussed this before. You are prescribed two pills. Jesse doesn't have any control over what he hands out to you." Dr Nicks looked positively lost as he scanned the group, obviously put out by the responses from the two patients.

Chloe followed his eyes around the room. There were ten other patients sitting around her. Chloe scanned the profile of each person sitting around her, taking in their flaws, forever wondering what went through their heads when they looked in the mirror.

As the redhead scanned the group, her eyes fell upon her small brunette roommate. There was something about Beca that Chloe just couldn't place. There hadn't been any interaction between them since Chloe had moved in but there was something hugely comforting about being around the smaller woman.

Turning her attention back to Dr Nicks, Chloe watched as he scanned the room before his eyes landed on her.

"How about you Chloe? How was your first day here? How are you finding things?"

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Beca hated the group sessions. It was the worst part of her day. Having to sit in a group of people was like a minefield to her; an explosion of anxiety just waiting to happen.

She sat in her normal position, head down, eyes on the floor, unmoving. Usually, Beca wouldn't have an issue but today, for some reason, she felt a little restless. In fact, Beca had been feeling a little restless ever since Chloe had arrived.

She knew that she was over thinking matters but the brunette's mind hadn't stopped reeling since she locked eyes with her redheaded roommate.

Beca had been so careful since arriving at the centre. There had been no eye contact with anyone until Chloe waltzed into her room and into her world.

The brunette shifted uncomfortably in her seat and shuffled her feet as she vividly remembered just how blue Chloe's eyes were.

Not really paying attention to the conversations around her, Beca suddenly found herself listening intently as she heard Dr Nicks call on Chloe.

"How about you Chloe? How was your first day here? How are you finding things?"

Beca let her eyes wander over to the redhead's feet. Even just looking at her feet, Beca could see how baggy Chloe's clothes looked. Every item of her clothing was at least a few sizes too big for her. It made her mind wander slightly, and it occurred to her again that she didn't even know why Chloe was at the centre.

Beca's ears perked up again as Chloe's voice cut through the silence.

"It's been fine. Just getting a feel for everything today. It's a lot to take in."

"Well I'm sure you'll settle down just fine. Who have you been roomed with? How are you finding having a roommate?"

Beca felt those bright blue eyes pierce the side of her face as Chloe's eyes flicked to her before answering Dr Nicks.

"I've been roomed with Beca. I like having a roommate. It makes me feel like I'm back in my college dorm."

Beca felt a warmth stir in the pit of her stomach at Chloe's words. At least she wasn't calling Beca weird and creepy. That was something.

"And how do you feel about it Beca? Chloe's your first roommate isn't she?" Beca heard as Dr Nicks turned his attention to her.

Sensing the group's eyes on her, Beca could feel the panic inching its way through her chest. Not wanting to reach a full on panic attack, the brunette clenched her fists to her temples and closed her eyes, ignoring everything around her, instead focusing on her breathing.

'Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing. In, out, in, out.' Beca continued the mantra in her head until suddenly she felt the atmosphere around her shift.

Abruptly feeling a sense of calm wash over her, Beca let her hands drop from her head and opened her eyes, instantly understanding why the air around her had changed.

Chloe was kneeling in front of her. Her big blue eyes wide with worry. Those big blue eyes that Beca was currently staring straight into, again.

"Are you ok?" The redhead spoke so softly that Beca herself nearly missed it.

Still unable to break her gaze from Chloe's, Beca managed a stiff nod in answer to the question.

Beca felt Chloe's worried eyes search her own once more before the redhead slowly stood, eyes locked the entire time. Chloe stood fully in front of her for a few seconds before finally breaking their eye contact and returning to her seat.

There was silence around the room in the aftermath of Beca's panic. With Chloe back in her seat and Beca's eyes firmly locked to the spot on the ground where Chloe had been kneeling, Dr Nicks finally spoke up for the first time since his question to Beca.

"Ok, moving on! How about you Denise, how was your…"

Beca zoned out once again and Dr Nicks tried to salvage his group session.

'What the hell was that? Did she calm me down?' Beca couldn't control her thoughts as they ran full speed through her head. 'That's the second time in two days. Why did I not panic even more?'

The more thought Beca put into it, the more she realised that she didn't mind the redhead's presence around her. In fact, she almost felt _comfortable_ around her.

This couldn't be happening. Beca Mitchell does not feel comfortable with anyone. Beca Mitchell does not make eye contact. Beca Mitchell does not communicate with anyone.

Except, it would seem, Chloe Beale. In the midst of her revelation, Beca could only form one thought.

'Well… I'm absolutely fucked.'


	4. Chapter 2

**Author: pitch—perfection and doeme227 **

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series and definitely in more depth later on.**

**Hey guys. Thank you so much for all the positive feedback and reviews and stuff! We love you all! We hope we didn't make you wait too long this time.**

**Enjoy..until next time!**

**Chapter 2**

Beca was sitting alone in her and Chloe's shared bedroom in her usual spot on the armchair. She had tucked herself securely under a blanket and her chin rested gently on her knees as she contemplated what had happened in group therapy that day.

Chloe had been escorted off by one of the nurses earlier on; an occurrence which Beca noticed had happened all three nights Chloe had been at Barden Abbey. It was obviously something to do with her condition and she really didn't want to be nosy. But she was curious all the same. She had developed her own theories about what was wrong with her roommate over the short time she had known her, but she didn't know for sure.

As much as Beca tried to distract her thoughts they kept drifting back to the same thing. She couldn't get Chloe, or more importantly Chloe's eyes out of her head. She was still in shock about what had happened. She, Beca Mitchell, had not made actual prolonged eye contact with anyone in close to four years…and now it had happened twice in two days.

The problem for Beca wasn't that she felt bad about looking at Chloe; in fact it was quite the opposite. Making eye contact with the redhead calmed her down. It made her feel comfortable. That was the problem. This feeling of comfort and relaxation was completely new to her; she didn't think that she had ever experienced it before.

As she considered what this meant Chloe stormed through the door and slammed it aggressively behind her, rousing Beca from her trance. The brunette flinched slightly and looked up, her chest tightened and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as she took in the sight in front of her.

Chloe was now lying on her bed, curled up in a tight ball. Her sleeves were pulled down around her hands, and her knees drawn up towards her chest. Her hands covered her face, muffling the hysterical sobs that came from her mouth.

Beca panicked. 'What am I supposed to do?!' she yelled to herself internally. 'I can't speak to her. I can't hug her. What the fuck do I do?' In that moment Beca wished so hard that she could find a way to talk, to ask Chloe what was wrong or to tell her that it was going to be okay. But she couldn't. She felt panic rising in her chest, but this time the panic wasn't for herself. It was for Chloe. She suddenly felt an overwhelming need to do something, _anything_, to make Chloe feel better.

She stood up slowly; her brain forcing her legs to do as they were told. In a matter of a few seconds they had carried her across the room and she was now standing awkwardly next to Chloe's bed, unsure of what to do next.

'In…out…in…out…you can do this.'

Beca repeated the mantra to herself several more times before she felt comfortable enough to attempt what was essentially the impossible.

She gently lowered herself onto Chloe's bed, being careful not to get too close to the crying redhead. It took her several seconds to get comfortable at the end of the bed and in this time Chloe's sobs had become a series of stifled sniffles. After rubbing her face once more with her sleeve Chloe looked down to see the tiny frame of her roommate perched precariously by her feet. Chloe's gaze was met with a timid one from Beca, her grey-blue eyes swimming with worry and fear, saying all of the things that she could not.

"I'm sorry." Beca heard Chloe say as she sniffled and proceeded to pull herself into a sitting position. "It's just…ughhh…It's so hard. I don't know how to do this" Chloe confessed as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks again.

Beca desperately wanted to do something for Chloe to comfort her, but she didn't know how. 'I guess just sitting here will have to do,' the brunette thought to herself.

Beca heard Chloe take in a breath before she continued what she was saying.

"The last three days are the first time I've actually sat down and eaten a whole meal in almost a year and a half," the redhead spoke softly, and Beca noticed the hint of shame in her voice. "I know I need to and I know I'm ill, but it just makes me feel so sick. I can't do it. I want to get better but I just don't have the willpower. It took me a long time to get to where I am now and there are so many habits I've developed that I know I'm never going to be able to break." Beca glanced quickly up at Chloe who was wiping her face again, trying to stop the tears flowing from her eyes.

Not that it mattered, but Beca had been right. With the way the redhead's clothes fell off her body and the fact that her tall frame was almost a tiny as Beca's own, there couldn't have been any other reason she was in there.

"I know I need to try. And I guess that's all I can do at this point isn't it?" she asked rhetorically. "I wish I could escape from this stupid reality and live in a fairytale where everything is perfect."

As Chloe looked up at Beca she noticed that the girl had left the bed and was returning from her side of the room with something clutched behind her back. She shuffled back over to Chloe shyly and stood at the side of the bed. From behind her back she pulled out her tattered copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and handed it to the redhead gently.

Chloe looked at the book with a sense of awe. She held it carefully in her hands and traced the creases on the spine with her thumb.

She looked at Beca closely, who was now sitting on the edge of her own bed. "Thank you Beca, really. And thank you so much for listening to me."

'There's not really much else I can do' Beca thought to herself sarcastically. But she appreciated Chloe's thanks. Not that it was much of a burden.

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The next day at group therapy when everyone was taking their seats, Beca was not surprised when Chloe came and sat down next to her. She felt Chloe's piercing eyes on the side of her face and saw a small smile play on the redhead's lips while she looked Beca up and down.

Beca was beginning to feel more and more comfortable in her presence, something which had not gone unnoticed by Chloe.

"Good afternoon everyone," Dr Nicks said enthusiastically. "Today we will be doing some work in pairs. You will be partnered up with another member of the group and I want you to talk to them about something that is bothering you at the moment. It doesn't have to be something big, it can be anything you're feeling. But we all need to get used to talking about our problems with others and working through our issues in this way."

Hearing this Beca immediately felt the anxiety building up inside of her. She started breathing deeply, focused on not bursting into tears at the idea of sitting next to one of the other patients and being pressured to communicate with them. In the background she heard Dr Nicks beginning to pair people up but the ringing in her ears drowned his voice out.

As she tried to focus on her breathing she sensed Chloe shift next to her. In her peripherals she saw the redhead stand up.

"Can I be partnered with Beca please?" she asked politely.

Beca's panic was suddenly washed away, and she found herself wanting to smile at what her roommate had just said.

Dr Nicks replied quickly, "Yes Chloe, in fact I think that is a very good idea."

Chloe repeated yesterday's action, kneeling down quietly in front of Beca. She rested her hands on the arms of Beca's chair and looked up; met with the deer-in-headlight eyes she was quickly beginning to crave seeing.

"Ready?" It was almost as if the redhead's eyes had put Beca under a spell, and the soft, caring tone in her voice pulled her back to reality.

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After therapy the girls headed back to their room, and Beca immediately fled to her armchair, sitting down and pulling out her laptop and headphones.

Chloe sat down and began to read the book Beca had lent her. She'd never really been one for reading but preferred to look at the beautiful hand-drawn pictures that were scattered throughout the book. She glanced over to Beca who was thoroughly immersed, fingers tapping silently on her laptop in time to the music. Almost everything Beca did was silent, Chloe noticed. She was like a ghost who floated around noiselessly.

After a while Chloe became restless. She had gotten bored of reading and was now sneakily watching Beca out of the corner of her eye. She got off her bed and bounced across the room, flopping down on Beca's bed dramatically.

Beca glanced sideways to see Chloe sitting on her bed. The girl was such a child; she always had to have something or someone to entertain her. She reminded Beca of a puppy.

"You're mixing your own music aren't you?" Chloe asked gently. "Can I listen?"

Beca's body stiffened. 'I've never played these to anyone' she thought to herself. But there was something about Chloe, something different. 'Its not like I'd mind her hearing them' she reasoned.

Without looking Chloe in the eye she managed to nod slightly as she carefully slid her headphones off her head. She placed the headphones gingerly into Chloe's outstretched hand.

As Chloe placed the headphones on her head Beca began rooting through her iTunes to find the mix she wanted to play. She had made it the evening Chloe arrived in the aftermath of the eye-contact scenario.

The second the music started blaring through the headphones Beca saw a huge smile spread across Chloe's face.

"I love these songs!" Chloe yelled, oblivious to how loud she was being. She bopped her head enthusiastically to the pounding bass lines of 'Titanium' and her eyes screwed shut as she began mouthing the lyrics to '500 Miles',

_When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you_

_When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream_

_Dream about the time when I'm with you._

Chloe opened her eyes and glanced to Beca. She was shocked to see the brunette staring at her laptop screen with the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. This small gesture from Beca - one that wasn't supposed to be witnessed - had butterflies flipping round in Chloe's stomach. She had never seen Beca smile before and it made her feel for a second that maybe, _just maybe_, everything might be okay after all.


	5. Chapter 3

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series and definitely in more depth later on.**

**Hey guys. I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG! But never fear! Chapter 3 is here! This is kind of a filler chapter and hopefully my co-writier in crime (Rosie) will have the next one ready for you a lot sooner!**

**Enjoy..until next time!**

**Chapter 3**

It was clear to all the staff at Barden Abbey Treatment Centre that in just one week, Chloe Beale had improved Beca Mitchell's anxiety enormously in comparison to their efforts with the brunette.

Dr Nicks wasn't a fool. He knew when his treatment wasn't helping his patients and he also recognised when to take a step back and let the patient, mostly unknowingly, take control of their own problems and face their demons head on.

The grey haired man leaned back in his chair as he reviewed his patient's files. Beca Mitchell. A petite girl who, against his own medical judgment no less, was beginning to defy expectations of never being able to function independently with human interaction in her life.

Chloe Beale. A girl who, like so many do, let herself become subjected to the pressures of society and her fellow peers. In just one week, Chloe had gained 5 pounds through her treatment. Dr Nicks couldn't help but wonder if Chloe was beginning to rely on Beca just as much as the brunette relied on her.

As much as Dr Nicks wanted to delve into the psychiatry behind the two girls' bond, he was more excited to see what the future brought for them through their own actions.

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Beca felt comfortable around Chloe. It was as simple as that. While her mind still tried to delve into the particulars about the situation, the blatant truth was that she felt comfortable around the redhead. Chloe wasn't trying to get her to talk. She wasn't trying to force the eye contact which had been increasing dramatically over the last coupe of weeks. She was just being Chloe, and Chloe could be very persuasive when she wanted to be.

It was for this reason alone that, instead of going straight back to their room after the group session today, the two girls went to the Centre's communal room.

The communal room was situated on the ground level of the Centre. The walls of the room were a soft pastel orange and there were three couches surrounding a television in one half of the room while armchairs and desks were scattered around the other half.

There were two double doors leading outside to a large decked area with a staircase leading down to the grounds of the estate, surrounded by windows that just let the sunlight pour into the room from its position overlooking the lake. Beca could understand how hanging out here would be relaxing for some. Unfortunately, if it weren't for the redhead standing beside her, Beca would have fled from the room at the first opportunity.

Fat Amy standing in front of the TV acting out a dramatic scene from a production of Hamlet while Stacie was slowly inching her way over to Jesse, the orderly she was convinced was in love with her.

Beca glanced quickly about the room again before averting her eyes to the floor once more. Not feeling comfortable in the slightest, the brunette shuffled her feet a little before she noticed Chloe move slightly beside her. Shifting her eyes to the redhead's face, Beca found Chloe already looking back at her, those bright blue eyes searching hers for an answer to her unspoken question.

"What's up bitches?" Chloe's bright blue eyes broke their gaze as they turned towards the source of the sound while Beca dropped her eyes straight to the floor once again.

"Oh, hey Amy!" Chloe's charming voice washed over Beca.

"You guys should come watch my performance. I was the star performer in our production of Hamlet back home in Tasmania. I was cast as Macbeth, King Duncan and Macduff. My death scene slash murder scene was voted most shocking moment of debauchery in a classical theatre adaptation. The Chief of the Aboriginals knighted me for my performance and gave me my own loveshack in the village where I won my first bellyflopping title."

Beca allowed her eyes flicker up to Chloe's face. It was obvious that Amy had completely stunned Chloe into silence judging by the dumbfounded look on the redhead's face. In her defence, Chloe recovered swiftly and replied with a, "Sure Amy, we'll just go grab a seat somewhere." Before turning to Beca once more and motioning for her to follow.

Chloe led Beca to a sofa at the edge of the room next to one of the large windows overlooking the grounds. Watching as Chloe flopped down on the seat, Beca suddenly felt the air become trapped in her lungs as the sunlight poured through the window and bathed the redhead in a glorious light. Chloe's fiery red hair was like a flickering flame framing her face and, as the taller girl turned to look at Beca she saw _those eyes. _The eyes that seemed to look into Beca's soul were made impossibly cerulean, as it seemed they searched into the very corners of Beca's essence.

As Chloe's eyes sparkled up at her, a grin spread across the redhead's face, the twinkle growing evermore in her eyes.

In that moment Beca Mitchell felt completely vulnerable in this unfamiliar place, but this didn't seem to matter, because she was adamant that she had never seen anything so beautiful in her life.

And with that thought alone, it was hard to fight the shy smile tugging at her lips.

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It was a few weeks later after a particularly emotional family session that Chloe decided against returning to her bedroom, deciding instead, to take a walk around the grounds of the Centre.

The redhead walked for a long time, mulling over the emotional blows dealt to her that afternoon. Eventually finding herself down by the riverside, Chloe rested herself against a large tree overlooking the large lake before finally permitting the tears of anguish to fall.

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Beca sat in her bedroom curled up in the armchair in the corner of the room. From her chair she had a perfect view of the lake behind the Centre in its entirety. The lake was still today, testament to the fact that there was no wind to counter the brilliant sunshine of the day. With the occasional ripple flowing through the water and the reflection of the sun bearing down, Beca could feel herself relax. As her mind wandered, it strayed to the place it was often at.

Since Chloe had come into her life, Beca could safely say that, for the first time in years, she _wanted_ to be able to speak. The brunette wanted to be able to talk to her redheaded roommate and feel _normal _for once.

There was a power that drew Beca to Chloe and it was starting to become more and more confusing as the days passed by. The constant feeling or _need_ to be around Chloe was starting to become overwhelming, yet Beca wouldn't dream of shutting her out now. Not when she had finally found someone who had somehow broken down a number of her highest walls she had built to protect herself.

Continuing to mull over her sweet roommate, a movement over by the lake caught Beca's attention. It wasn't unusual to see someone walking down by the lake but what really caught Beca's eye was the glint of the sun reflected off the person's red hair.

Curious as to why the redhead had gone to the lake, Beca stood from her position and moved to stand by the window. Watching Chloe as she walked along the lake, Beca could clearly see that something was wrong in the way the she was carrying herself. Her usual, open body language had become closed off. Where her shoulders were usually pulled back in confidence, they were now slumped forward, her head hung low as she shuffled along the grass.

With a frown already in place, Beca felt it deepen as she watched her roommate throw herself on the floor beside a large tree before drawing her legs up and hiding her face in her knees.

Anyone could see that she was clearly upset. Beca stood for a moment just watching the redheaded girl and as she saw her shoulders begin to move in an obvious sob, Beca questioned whether or not she should intervene in Chloe's privacy at a time like this.

'She's upset; she went down to the lake because she wanted to be _alone_. You should just let her do what she needs to do and wait for her to come back here.' Beca reasoned with herself. 'But she's really upset, someone should go and check on her. She acts strong but she's just as vulnerable as the rest of us.'

Beca's internal debate continued on until one thought stood out among the rest. It was a thought that instantly set Beca into action. Putting on her shoes and pausing to ready herself for what she was about to do, Beca turned to walk out of the door, pausing momentarily before turning back to the room and grabbing her laptop to take with her.

'What would Chloe do?'

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It had taken Beca at least 5 minutes to bring herself to walk through the communal room where she could access the grounds to where Chloe was. After finally making it into the room, Beca had kept her eyes firmly on the ground in front of her, her vision slightly swimming as she past others in close proximity to get to her destination.

Eventually reaching the staircase leading down to the lake, the brunette jogged down them lightly before continuing along to where Chloe was sat. As she neared the other girl, Beca's pace began to slow, as she finally got close enough to Chloe to take a good look at her.

Watching Chloe intently, Beca could feel the tug in her heart just from the sight of the distressed redhead. While the brunette continued to study Chloe attentively, she found her sight fixed onto Chloe's face. Her beautiful blue eyes clenched shut in pain, the type of pain that only comes from an emotional blow. Tears were sliding down the redhead's face at an alarming rate; her nose was red and her mouth parted with perfectly straight teeth bared as the sobs fell from her lips with increasing intensity.

The sight of the broken redhead was enough to spur Beca into action, but not without the familiar feeling of panic rising within her chest. The past few weeks had been a surreal experience for Beca. With Chloe in her life, everything she came into contact with seemed a whole lot more bearable than before and although she had not had as many panic attacks with Chloe by her side, the scene of the broken redhead stirred an unfamiliar panic within herself that scared her.

'Don't screw this up Mitchell. Go and comfort her, it's easy. Just go and sit next to her. Let her know that you're there for her.'

Willing herself forward, Beca approached the tree with a tremor in her step. She couldn't speak to anyone, let alone comfort them, what the hell was she going to do to help? Sitting carefully down next to the sobbing girl, Beca waited silently for Chloe to acknowledge her presence.

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Chloe felt the brush of something against her arm and could tell, even without looking, that it was Bea sitting next to her. Not being able to bring herself to let Beca see her as she was Chloe forced herself to take deep breaths. Slowly calming down she dropped her hands from her face.

Chloe timidly peered up at the brunette sitting beside her and found a pair of apprehensive blue eyes staring back at her. It warmed her heart to take noticed of how far Beca had come with her over the past few weeks. For someone with such extreme social anxiety, it made Chloe happy to believe that just maybe, Beca felt the connection between them just as forcefully as she did.

There was something about Beca's eyes that fascinated Chloe. They seemed to be the window to her soul. It was a guarded section of Beca that nobody was allowed to see. Nobody except Chloe it seemed.

Coming back to her senses, Chloe dropped her legs and faced Beca.

"I just had a family counselling session with my parents." Chloe sniffled as she began to explain to Beca. "My dad, he just lost it. He doesn't think that I'm trying or that I even want to get better."

Chloe took a long deep breath in an attempt to control the tears filling her eyes once again.

"I can't remember ever seeing him so angry before. Even Dr Penn couldn't stop him, he was out of control."

Looking up at Beca, the tears began to fall as her emotions began to get the better of her.

"He started screaming, telling me that I was a disgrace to them. That I was tearing the family apart with how selfish I was being." Chloe was openly sobbing at this admission. "I don't want to be here Beca, I don't want to be this way. I want to be me again. Why can't I just be normal?"

Hiding her face behind her hands as she sobbed, Chloe felt Beca shift and looked up to watch as the brunette brought her laptop into her arms.

Watching Beca scan through the files on her laptop, Chloe waited, curious as to why Beca had brought her laptop all the way down to the lake with her.

Seeing the brunette's hands still, she watched as Beca turned to her and take a deep breath before spinning the laptop round the face her.

Looking down to the screen and to the file that Beca had opened, Chloe saw that she had opened a music file simply named 'Chloe'. The redhead looked back to Beca's face with a questioning look.

Chloe watched as Beca reached forward and tapped the spacebar on her keyboard. Music suddenly filled the air as the file began to play. Recognising the opening of 'Fast Car', Chloe was surprised when, instead of hearing Taio Cruz, the voice of Michael Bublé began to filter into the air.

_I'm not surprised, not everything lasts,_

_I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track,_

_Talk myself in, I talk myself out,_

_I get all worked up then I let myself down_

Chloe was impressed with what she heard, it was obviously a mix that Beca had made for her and the redhead felt her heart swell at the knowledge that Beca was sharing such a personal part of her life.

_And someday I know it'll all turn out,_

_And I'll work to work it out,_

_Promise you kid I'll give more than I get_

The redhead couldn't help but let a few tears fall as she realised what Beca was trying to convey to her. This small vulnerable DJ was finally trusting somebody to enter her life and not leave her. Beca was ready to make an effort and communicate with somebody.

And that somebody was Chloe.

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Watching closely as Chloe listened to the track, Beca was nervous. She worried about what the redhead would think. While she knew that Chloe would appreciate the track, there was still an underlying panic that Chloe wouldn't understand the true meaning behind the song.

Beca's panic only increased as she saw the tears begin to fall once more from Chloe's eyes. Preparing herself to slam the laptop shut where she would then proceed to throw it into the lake, Beca found herself pausing before she even moved as she saw the soft smile begin to spread across Chloe's face.

As the track wound down to a close, the two girls were left with a comfortable air between them, neither of them having to express or communicate anything to the other as Chloe's eyes met Beca's.

Watching as Chloe met her eyes, Beca could see the beginning of the redhead's usual twinkle returning. Watching the smile playing upon Chloe's lips stretch to full beam, Beca could feel her heart lifting with the sight of it.

And as Beca let herself become wrapped up in the moment with Chloe, she hardly even realised that, for the first time since she could remember, she was genuinely smiling back at someone.


	6. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Told you this chapter would be along quicker! (Mostly because Rosie managed to write this in one night as opposed to my week!). This is where things start to get pretty great (even if we do say so ourselves) Thank you so much for your responses to the last few chapters, we really appreciate all your amazing feedback!**

**Until next time!**

**Chapter 4**

Chloe woke up with a start. She blinked her eyes several times in an attempt to make the hazy darkness around her clearer. From the bed parallel to hers she could hear Beca tossing and turning in her sleep. As Chloe sat up and looked towards her roommate's bed she saw the brunette thrash violently, her blanket tangled up in her small limbs. Her breathing was erratic, like she had been running for miles.

Not knowing what to do Chloe sat and watched for a minute in hope that Beca's nightmare would end and she would go back to sleep peacefully. 'I can't go over and wake her up' Chloe thought to herself. 'If I go over there and touch her I'm sure it would just make everything worse and she'd end up panicking even more.'

Over the last few weeks Chloe had grown very fond of the silent girl and she thought of all the times that Beca had been there for her. Just having Beca sit next to her made the redhead feel so much better about everything that was happening, and she was sure that Beca felt the same way. But she didn't want to push her.

"Beca…" Chloe called out gently.

The younger girl continued to roll around the bed, letting out soft whimpers in her slumber. Chloe was slightly taken aback when she realised that this was the first sound she had ever heard Beca make. She sounded so scared and vulnerable.

Chloe leaned further off her bed towards Beca's, "Beca honey…Beca its okay."

The brunette stilled for a moment as Chloe's words had a visible effect on her. Her face, which had previously been screwed up in a grimace of fear was now tranquil and Chloe watched as her whole body began to relax.

As she glanced down at the floor Chloe noticed that at some point in the night Beca had dropped her cuddly toy, Mr. Waddle. She dropped lightly onto the balls of her feet and picked up the little penguin as Beca rolled over again to face her. Slowly and quietly she placed Mr. Waddle into the brunette's open arms and watched as the toy was drawn into Beca's chest.

Chloe lay in bed listening to the soft rise and fall of Beca's breathing as it returned to normal.

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The following day was fairly uneventful for both girls as they continued through their usual schedule of meals and various therapies. After lunch, in their 'free time', Beca and Chloe were sat in the communal room with some of the other patients, as they had started doing in the afternoons.

Amy was being loud as usual. They were all watching a film - Mean Girls - chosen by the blonde, of course.

"This is my favourite film ever. I auditioned to be in it back in Tasmania. My casting agency sent the video to the producers and I got cast for Lindsay Lohan's part but I couldn't do it in the end because my Uncle got mauled by a stray Hippopotamus that had escaped from the Zoo and I had to stay at home and look after him because his leg got infected with Hippo saliva. It's deadly you know."

At this comment Chloe turned to Beca and rolled her eyes. Beca offered a small smile in return and shook her head slightly. This was all Chloe needed to know what the brunette thought of Amy's stories. The two girls had become accustomed to communicating through just one look or gesture. Chloe found that she didn't need to hear Beca speak to know what she was thinking.

Much to the other patients' exasperation, especially Stacie, Amy proceeded to quote the entire movie word for word.

In her fake American accent Amy yelled, _"It's been a month and all we've done is make Regina's face sme-"_

"Will you please shut the fuck up!" Stacie yelled, interrupting the Australian mid-quote.

"Make me", Amy deadpanned aggressively.

Soon enough the two girls were chasing each other around the room, jumping over cushions and tables and hiding behind the sofas to get away from each other.

Beca and Chloe tried to keep out of the action and watched from the sidelines but suddenly Beca felt a weight crash down upon her. It took her several seconds to realise that it was in fact Stacie lying over her. He lungs were being crushed by the weight of the other girl and she began to panic. A lot.

Beca could vaguely feel Stacie being pulled off her, and hear Chloe scolding the girls for being so stupid but her eyes had glazed over. The panic rose in her chest. Her eyes were ringing. She was struggling to breathe. Stacie's sudden proximity and the claustrophobia it caused had caught her off guard and she had no idea what to do.

After Chloe had finished yelling at Stacie and Amy, telling them to try and be less immature she turned round to Beca. Noticing immediately the paleness of Beca's skin and the glassy look that had coated her eyes she knew that something was really wrong. It was as if the experience had literally frozen her. She wasn't moving and shallow breaths were grating through her lungs. Her hands were clenched up into fists that gripped the material of the sofa with sheer desperation.

"Beca…Beca just breathe. Just breathe and calm down. You can do it", Chloe said reassuringly, leaning over the girl in front of her. When her words seemed to make no difference the redhead moved to squat in front of Beca. This was their safe position. When the brunette would get stressed or panic Chloe would kneel down in front of her and look straight into her eyes, as if she was willing her to snap out of the panic. Usually everything that Beca needed to know was shown to her through those eyes. Chloe's hands rested on the sofa on either side of Beca's and she looked up to the girl's face, only to be met with a pair of vacant grey-blue orbs.

'What the fuck is happening to me' Beca thought. She couldn't move or focus her eyes or really hear anything that was going on around her. 'This always helps. When she does this it helps. Why is it not helping?!' she thought as she began to panic even more, her breath catching in her throat.

But suddenly Beca felt everything begin to die down. She felt a calm feeling start in her hand and move it's way through her entire body. She could hear the girls talking in the background now and hear Chloe gently counting her breaths in front of her.

"One…two…three…four…. You can do it Beca."

As usual it was staring into those big sapphire pools that brought her back to reality. But it wasn't until she was really with it again that she noticed what had brought her out of her trance in the first place. Chloe's hand was resting carefully on top of Beca's, her thumb making small soothing circles across the knuckles and back again.

Beca felt like she should be panicking. Chloe was touching her. _Touching her. _And she wasn't freaking out. In fact she felt calmer in that moment than she had in weeks.

Chloe looked her roommate directly in the eye and gave her a loving smile, one which spread from ear to ear. She felt warmth radiating through her body, and she felt so incredibly proud of Beca and herself for what had just happened.

"How about we get you some water and then we can go back to our room?" Chloe suggested. After a small nod in response from Beca the girls finally detached their hands and stood up, heading back to their room together.

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That evening Chloe was lying in bed propped up against her pillows, reading the book that Beca had lent her. The brunette had fallen asleep a few hours ago, probably exhausted from her ordeal that afternoon. But Chloe couldn't sleep; her mind was plagued with thoughts of Beca.

Thrashing. Writhing. Mumbling.

Just as Chloe was finishing her chapter she looked over to Beca's bed to see the same sight as the previous night. It was obvious that her roommate was having a terrible nightmare; the younger girl squirmed on the bed and threw her blanket onto the floor. Chloe was yet again unsure of what to do, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.

Suddenly Chloe saw Beca sit bolt upright, chest heaving as she attempted to catch her breath. Sweat was dripping down the girl's face and her eyes were wide open in fear. She swung her legs of the edge of the bed and placed her feet gently on the floor, letting the cold surface steady her.

"Are you okay sweetie?"

Beca shook her head almost unnoticeably in response, but Chloe had learnt to pick up on these small signs of communication. The redhead moved from her bed to calmly kneel on the floor in front of Beca. Her eyes were different than she had ever seen them, Chloe noticed. Rather than the usual anxiousness or panic, Beca's eyes were filled with pure terror.

Tentatively Chloe raised her hand and rested it on top of Beca's again. She moved it slowly up the brunette's wrist and down to her fingertips, watching Beca visibly relax as she did so. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, until Chloe's legs begun to hurt from kneeling on the hard ground.

"Do you think you're ready to sleep again now?" Chloe asked as Beca leaned down to pick up her blanket and Mr. Waddle, who she had inadvertently thrown out of the bed. Those familiar eyes stared back into Chloe's cerulean ones and gave her a smile, Beca's way of letting Chloe know that she would be okay now.

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Beca woke up with tears streaming down her face. She had been having the most horrific dream…the same dream she'd had over the last few nights, and many times before. She pulled herself vertical, bringing Mr. Waddle close to her chest, concentrating on breathing in and out before she noticed that Chloe was also sitting up in bed, watching Beca attentively.

She tried to stop the tears streaming down her face, and buried her head in the penguin's fluff to try and drown out her sobs. After a few minutes Beca opened her eyes and watched Chloe move towards her, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. She faced Beca with one leg tucked up underneath her and smiled the most beautiful smile Beca had ever seen.

Not for the first time since she had met Chloe, Beca wished that she could speak. She wished that she could tell Chloe about this dream and how horrible it was. She wanted to speak…but she didn't know how. All she could do was sit there and stare into her eyes. Beca still felt like Chloe knew everything she wanted so badly to say.

Beca noticed the redhead shifting closer to her, and surprisingly she didn't move away. At this moment Beca knew exactly what she wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to do what she desperately wanted to, to get the comfort she craved.

'Fuck it' Beca thought to herself. 'Fuck it. Fuck all of it.'

Slowly she leaned towards Chloe, eyes fixed on the cuddly toy in her arms. She felt everything with such precision. First she felt her shoulder graze on Chloe's arm, the material of their shirts brushing together. Then she felt her elbow on the redhead's thigh, resting ever so gently to make sure she didn't hurt her. Then she felt her hand come to rest on Chloe's knee, the soft fabric of her pajamas felt like silk under Beca's fingers. Finally, she felt her head lay to rest in the crook of Chloe's neck, her skin soft on Beca's cheek, radiating warmth as she leant in to the redhead.

Beca was shocked at herself; she couldn't believe what she had just done. But it felt so unbelievably good. Everything she was feeling right now was Chloe. It was all her.

As Chloe slid an arm around Beca's back, snaking delicately across her shoulder blades, the brunette closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She could honestly say that she had never felt so comfortable in her whole life.


	7. Chapter 5

**TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide and both of these issues will feature throughout the series, and definitely in more depth later on**

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long to update! This chapter is a joint venture rather than just one of us writing it this time so between uni and college work it was tough to find time to speak about it! Anyway we hope you enjoy! Thank you for all your awesome feedback! Let us know what you think of this chapter!**

**Small shout out to the birthday girl who left us a review! Sorry it wasn't out on your birthday but think of it as a belated birthday present!**

**This chapter specifically contains quite a lot of violence and mentions/descriptions of suicide. Just to warn you all.**

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**Chapter 5**

There wasn't very much that could faze Nurse Kay. In all the years of working with psychiatric patients, she had seen it all. From terrifying schizophrenics to the most horrific self-mutilation but nothing in all her years of experience could have prepared her for what she found upon opening the door to Beca and Chloe's shared bedroom during her 7am morning rounds.

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_Standing at the bottom of the stairs, Beca watched the argument between her parents begin to build in intensity once again as she became the topic of their anger._

"_Helen, don't you dare—" Beca's father began to shout._

"_Dare what Jeff?! Dare to confront you about your failings?" Beca's mother cut her husband off._

_Beca suspected that as soon her mother spoke that she had crossed a line but it was the crash of the glass from the photo frame that her father had sent flying across the room that told her she really had._

"_My failings?! MY FAILINGS?!" Jeff roared at his wife. "You can't blame her troubles on ME!"_

"_OF COURSE I CAN!" Helen screamed right back. "You're the one who's never home! You're the one who puts work before family! YOU'RE THE ONE FUCKING YOUR STUDENTS!"_

_Beca winced as she heard the slap of her father's hand colliding accurately with her mother's face. It wasn't anything Beca hadn't seen before but as she stood paralyzed in fear at the bottom of the stairs, the scene before her darkened. _

_Looking around the house, the atmosphere of the world around Beca became overshadowed and the small brunette could feel the pace of her heart quicken uneasily._

_Hearing a yelp, Beca looked back at her parents. Her eyes widened as she saw her mother on her knees with her father's hand twisted in the thick tresses upon her head._

_With the familiar feeling of panic slithering up her chest, Beca found herself pinned to the spot as she watched her father slam her mother's head into the nearby coffee table._

_Feeling her mouth drop open, Beca tried with all her might to find her voice. Struggling to breathe, she took a deep breath and, as she exhaled, attempted to release the scream trapped in her throat._

_Watching in sheer horror as her father repeatedly pounded his wife's head into the metal frame of the table, Beca staggered forward, fighting to stay conscious as her vision began to swim from the sight of her mother with blood smeared across her broken face._

_Feeling her legs give way to her small body, Beca slid down the doorframe. As she landed on her knees she began to claw at her throat, her nails frantically scraping at the flesh, trying desperately to rip the shriek from her body._

_Looking up, the brunette watched helplessly as her father lifted her limp, bloody mother by her hair to his eye level and finally, with a face of disgust, forcefully drove her entire body through the glass top of the blood stained coffee table._

_Feeling her consciousness begin to waver, Beca's breathing became short and laboured. Unable to take her wide eyes off the shard of red tainted glass protruding from the neck of her mother's unmoving body, Beca once more began to paw at her throat in desperation. Seeing her father move for the first time since killing her mother, Beca's eyes flickered to him and watched as the man turned and began to walk towards her. _

_With her vision swimming and the panic in her chest completely suffocating her, Beca could only form one thought as she scrambled away from her advancing father._

'_This is all my fault.'_

_As her father came within three steps of reaching her, his hand outstretched and eyes wild and manic, it was like time froze. Unable to comprehend what was happening, Beca sat from her position on the floor and stared at the frozen figure of her father, uneasily looking into his wide eyes, the hatred for her so very clear._

_Beca wasn't sure how long she sat there for, anticipating her father to suddenly be freed of whatever had rendered him still. It wasn't until the brunette noticed a movement behind her father that her gaze shifted and came to settle on the cause of the movement._

_It was a figure. Clearly a person except that was all Beca could figure out. Whoever this person was, to Beca's eyes, their profile was majorly distorted. Blinking her eyes repeatedly, the small brunette tried to find a distinguishing feature but it was as if her eyes couldn't focus the on the silhouette of the character. _

_Quickly snapping her eyes around the room, Beca could see that everything else she looked at was in perfect focus. Everything except this strange individual in front of her. _

_Still sat in the same spot on the floor, Beca watched as the hazy image took two steps towards her, each step distorting their features even more. Feeling her heart beat pick up once again, Beca could feel the cold vice of fear begin to grip at her heart as she noticed, quite clearly, that dripping from the distorted arms of the figure was a liquid that looked far too much like blood for Beca's stomach to handle._

_Her eyes moving back to the head of the figure, Beca watched as a blurred, large black hole appeared at the bottom of the strangers face. Paralyzed in terror, Beca realised that the hole was a mouth a split second before the hole widened. _

_And as a high-pitched, pain-filled shriek of terror emitted from the stranger, Beca doubled over on her knees, fists clenched over her ears as she watched the world around her dissolve and morph._

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Chloe woke up for the fourth night in a row to hear her roommate flailing around in the single bed next to hers, her erratic breathing loud in her sleep.

As Chloe lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what to do, Beca's breathing took on a different, shallower pattern whilst she tossed and turned in her bed. Her nightmares were getting worse, it seemed.

Slowly and quietly Chloe pulled herself up to sitting position and flicked on the bedside lamp. She immediately noticed the sheen of sweat covering Beca's face and the unnatural grimace that pulled her features into distortion. Firstly, she decided to try calling out Beca's name in the hope that it would wake her from her dream like it had the first night, but she was sceptical to say the least.

"Beca?" she called out.

"Beca, sweetie. Wake up. It's okay. It's only a dream… Beca…Beca" Chloe said soothingly, to little avail.

Suddenly the brunette froze, and at first Chloe thought that her comforting words had helped, but within a millisecond Beca's entire face conformed to that of pure terror. Chloe watched, frozen as Beca's mouth dropped wide open in a silent scream and she kicked out violently, inadvertently throwing her covers onto the floor, leaving her with only the twisted sheet beneath her body.

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_Finally coming back to her senses, Beca realised that the screaming had stopped. Whoever that person was, they were gone for now._

_Dropping her hands from where they were wrapped around her head, Beca managed to push her self up into a standing position. Looking around her surroundings, Beca found herself standing on a sidewalk. _

_Glancing towards the heavens, the brunette felt the pure dread settle in her stomach as she saw the pitch-black emitting an unnatural scarlet glow through deep red cracks in the sky. This was no natural place she was in._

_Turning around, Beca discovered that she was standing on a sidewalk in front of a very large, very familiar building._

_It was her high school._

_Feeling an uneasy ache begin to throb in her chest, Beca started to back away from the building that had served as a prison to her for so many years._

"_Hey Mitchell! Where do you think you're going?" The sudden appearance of the voice caused Beca to completely tense up. It was a voice that haunted her._

_Turning her head only slightly, Beca could see a large gang of people, all dressed in black, moving towards along the pavement. Knowing what would happen if she stayed put, Beca sharply turned on her heel and ran, as fast as her legs could take her, away from boys who had made her high school years unbearable._

_Hearing the instant stampede of footsteps accompanied by the hollers and cheers, Beca knew that the gang was pursuing her._

_Glancing behind her as she ran, the brunette found approximately 20 metres between her and the pack chasing her. Turning sharply into a back alley, Beca picked up her speed, the adrenaline kicking into her bloodstream._

_Chancing a glance over her shoulder as she exited at the other end of the alley and turned towards to the local park, Beca found that the leader of the group was quickly catching up to her. Beca tried to open her stride even further but watched from over her shoulder as her pursuer came within reaching distance of her._

_Attempting one last escape, in a fit of absolute fear, the small brunette attempted to hurdle a small fence surrounding a basketball court. Clearing the fence with her lead leg, Beca felt the very slight feeling of triumph flit through her before being brutally replaced with horror as she felt her trailing leg catch on the metal mesh of the fence. _

_Watching as the concrete ground came closer to her, Beca felt the gravel scraping across her face, arms and knees and she landed in an ungraceful heap on the floor._

_Trying to ignore the stinging pain of the deep grazes across her body as her chest heaved to bring in more oxygen, the brunette opened her eyes to find the group of her pursuers surrounding her, each with a sadistic smirk on their faces._

_Flinching as she heard their ringleader laugh, Beca curled into a tiny ball beneath them, waiting for her punishment to be dealt to her._

_Feeling arms grab the back of her shirt, Beca was lifted off the ground and held up, pinned between two of her attackers. _

_With her vision swimming from the sensation of being forced into such close physical contact, the small girl couldn't stop the tears from falling._

_Suddenly feeling a blinding sting across her face, it took a couple of seconds for Beca to realise that she had been slapped. Hard. Closing her eyes in order to stop the black spots now plaguing her vision, Beca was beginning to find it harder to breathe with each passing breath, the sheer terror becoming more overwhelming than she'd ever remembered._

"_Will you stop with your fucking pussy tears! You knew exactly what would happen as soon as you ran. It's about time we really put you in your place."_

_Blinking her eyes open again, Beca watched as the boy in front of her reached into his pocket and pulled out a small metal object. Pressing a small button on the side, Beca observed as a small blade flipped out and locked into place. _

_Suddenly feeling completely numb, Beca looked into the eyes of the boy holding the knife as he advanced on her. Watching as his black irises expanded unnaturally, Beca released a rugged breath._

"_I'm really gonna enjoy this."_

"_Danny, stop!" The sudden appearance of the objector seemed to shock everyone and, as she looked around, Beca saw another boy step forward from the group. Not having noticed him before now, Beca couldn't figure out why. Dressed in a brilliant white, the boy stood out in comparison to the dark, shadowed world they resided in._

"_Logan, don't even try to stop me." Danny replied. Turning his attention back to Beca, she saw his grip tighten on the blade before his arm lurched back fully prepared to cause her harm but as she watched his raised arm begin to fall towards her body, all hell broke loose._

_Bracing herself for the inevitable pain, Beca saw a flash of white move in front of her and, before she could comprehend what had even happened, Danny's knife pierced the skin of Logan's chest as he jumped in to stop the attack._

_It was the deep red of the blood against the bright white of Logan's clothes that seemed to pull Beca's body out of it's numbed state. Suddenly feeling every emotion to the entire episode suddenly hit her, Beca could feel herself losing touch with reality as her mind fought to submerge into itself. Fighting with her body to take each breath in._

_Looking down to Logan at her feet, his wide, glassy eyes open and unblinking, Beca could only stare as Danny moved into a crazed attack, ripping the knife from the dead boy's chest and bring it down again, this time in his shoulder before ripping it out again._

_The attack continued for what seemed like hours before Danny finally sat back, completely soaked in the blood of the murdered boy on the ground. Unable to stop herself from looking, the body that was once her saviour now lay unrecognisable from the slashes of the blade. The once white clothes, now a dark red as Logan's blood continued to pour from every slice, puncture and cut in his skin._

_Danny stood from his kneeled position, the blood soaked blade still tight in his grip and turned towards Beca, raising his arm once again to fulfil his original intention before swiftly bringing his arm down. Beca closing her eyes once again before the anticipated impact._

_When she didn't feel the pain, the brunette opened her eyes to find the knife about four inches from her face, the arm holding it suspended in midair. Looking to Danny's bloodied face, twisted in rage, Beca soon discovered that he had been in mid swing when time had once again stopped._

_Hearing a rustle behind her, Beca turned her head slowly, anxiety tight in her chest restricting the oxygen to her lungs. Directly in front of her as she looked, the brunette found the blurred figure in front of her once again._

_Raking her eyes over the figure once again, Beca found that, though the figure's profile was still distorted, it was sharper than her last encounter. It was clear to see that this character was a female but beyond that, there was nothing that could be distinguished._

_Before she realised what was happening, the distorted woman in front of her let out another long, high pitched, terror filled shriek that knocked Beca's small form to the floor with the force of it as the world around her began to morph once again._

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Chloe sat on the edge of her bed, heart beating fast in her chest. In that moment she decided on her next plan of action.

Beca was now curled up in a tight ball, hands pulled into her chest, sobbing silently at whatever was happening inside her mind. Chloe wished she could get inside there. She wished she could go into Beca's dream and chase away whoever or whatever was causing her such pain. She hated seeing Beca like this. Everything that was happening to her at that time, all of the strain of treatments and therapies vanished when this happened, and all she could think about was how to help Beca in the best way possible.

She clambered out of bed and tiptoed across the small distance between her and Beca's beds quickly. The younger girl was still crying, her body shuddering with each loud gasp. Chloe found herself becoming increasingly worried about the possibility of a nurse patrolling the hallways hearing Beca's loud pants for air. Chloe knew that if that happened things would become even worse. She was the only one who could calm Beca; the only one Beca felt safe with, and maintaining that trust was the most important thing in the world to her right now.

Lightly sitting down on the side of the bed next to Beca's head, Chloe immediately reached out in an attempt to still Beca's thrashing movement. She laid her hand gently on the brunette's bare arm which was splayed across the side of the bed.

"Beca baby. It's all going to be okay. I promise. Just wake up please. It'll all be fine. Nothing can hurt you when I'm here."

She rubbed her thumb in soothing circles across the pale skin of Beca's arm but the girl continued to cry and Chloe's touches seemed to be doing nothing to comfort her whatsoever.

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_Rolling onto her back, Beca could feel the pain pou__nding in her head. The screams still ringing in her ears. Opening her eyes, Beca found herself completely surrounded by white. Looking around, she realised that she was in a large room, completely covered in white tiles._

_Unsure of where she was, Beca lifted herself into a sitting position, every sense on high alert._

_Suddenly becoming aware of a ragged gasping behind her, Beca threw herself forward, scrambling away from the sound until her back was against the far wall and she was facing the cause of the noise._

_There, on the other side of the room, approximately twenty feet away, was a white bathtub. The only thing stopping the tub from blending into the walls was the figure laying in it._

_Looking closer Beca could see that it was the same distorted person that had been haunting her. Except this time, they weren't blurred at all. Beca could see every detail about them._

_Slouched in the tub, one arm was thrown haphazardly over the side and their face turned away from her, their hair darkened by the water it held. Trembling as she stood, Beca began to walk towards the tub, freezing as soon as she saw the blood still dripping from their fingers. This time though, Beca was able to see the root cause of the blood as a deep, jagged cut was carved into the woman's wrist._

_Averting her eyes, Beca hunched over as she struggled to pull in the oxygen necessary to battle the wave of nausea from the sight of the blood. Hearing a guttural moan, Beca straightened up. She knew she had to find out who it was. She had to see if there was anything she could do to help them._

_Turning back to the tub, Beca walked the rest of the distance, her gaze fixed upon the blood dripping from the limp hand. As she reached the side of the bathtub, Beca discovered that the woman's other wrist also hung over the opposite side of the tub, the same brutal carving lashed in the skin._

_Dragging her eyes up the skin of the woman's arms, Beca could see how deathly white she was. It was obvious that she had been losing blood for quite a while._

_Beca's eyes continued their exploration, coming to rest on the head facing away from her. It was hard to distinguish any features with the woman's wet, red hair covering the small part of her face Beca could see._

_Abruptly feeling her heart all but stop, Beca did a double take of the woman's head again. Registering the red hair, the woman's head suddenly turned towards her, her distressed, pain-filled, familiar blue eyes locking onto to Beca's as her mouth dropped open and the same anguished and agonising scream erupted once more._

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As Beca's breaths began to speed up, they also became very shallow. It was obvious that the small brunette wasn't taking in enough oxygen from the slow shade of red her skin was beginning to turn.

There were only two options Chloe could think of. Wake her up, or… 'No, I can't do that' the redhead thought to herself.

After sitting next to Beca for a few more minutes she realised that there really was only one thing she could do. But she was so worried that Beca would hate her for it. She knew that the brunette wasn't ready. Hell, was she even ready? But that barely mattered, because for every second longer that Chloe sat next to Beca, and every second longer she looked at the tiny vulnerable girl next to her, she knew it was her only choice.

Beca now trembled in her sleep, tears running down her face and soaking the pillow beneath. Her whole body was racked with sobs. Slowly, moving what felt like a centimetre every minute, Chloe turned to pull her legs up onto the bed.

She laid her head down on the pillow behind Beca's, who was now turned away from her. Feeling around blindly she reached behind to pick up the discarded blanket from the floor, gently draping it over her roommate's shuddering form as well as her own. Just as Beca turned again in her sleep she reached her arms out and pulled the girl into her embrace, holding on for dear life.

Chloe's arms wound around Beca's neck and back as she held her, and she rapidly felt all the tension melt away from Beca's bones. The brunette relaxed into her body and rested her head on Chloe's chest, her arm snaking around to grip onto the fabric of the redhead's t-shirt. Chloe chin rested on top of Beca's head, the beautiful smell of her coconut shampoo filling the redhead with comforting warmth.

She was breathing clearly now, Chloe noticed, and her tears were all but gone.

Chloe knew that she must have been lying there for a long time before she fell asleep, relishing the calm she had brought to Beca and enjoying having the girl so close to her. 'It may be the first time', Chloe though to herself, 'but I certainly don't think it will be the last.'

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Having been Beca's nurse since her arrival at the Centre, Nurse Kay was well aware of her condition and what it could possibly mean for the woman's future, or lack of.

Though social anxiety was extremely common with selective mutism, it was also common for the patient to outgrow their anxiety as they got older. As far as anyone at the centre had been able to disclose, there seemed to be no hope of Beca ever being able to communicate with others, let alone make friends or be able to live an independent life in society.

Although it was against Centre policy for patients to share beds, looking at the two women huddled on the one single bed with peaceful looks spread across their faces, was both heart warming and shocking to the plump woman's very core.

Never in all her years of experience had Nurse Kay ever had a patient make such a sudden change. Violent patients, while the most unpredictable, were something that she was trained for. This however, a patient with such severe social anxiety suddenly sharing a bed with another and not seeming to have a problem with it, was unheard of to her.

Deciding not to wake the two women, Nurse Kay retreated out of the room, intent on finishing the rest of her rounds before seeking out Dr Nicks to update him on his patients' current situation.

As she walked down the hallway, Nurse Kay couldn't help the small smile tugging at her lips as the picture of the two women together floated through her mind once again, both of them looking more peaceful than she had seen either of them.

'This could definitely be the start of something extraordinary.'


	8. Chapter 6

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide, both in quite a lot of detail.**

**HEY GUYS! Here's the next chapter for you. I must say we're both really proud of this one and the characters! We really hope you enjoy it. As always feedback and lovin' (and constructive criticism) is highly appreciated!**

**Until next time!**

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**Chapter 6**

That morning as Beca opened her eyes sleepily she immediately noticed the warmth that surrounded her. She usually woke up freezing cold, having misplaced her blankets in the middle of the night, but something was different this time. She became acutely aware of a heat radiating into her back, the kind of heat that can only be created by another person.

Her eyes shot open as she realised where the warmth must have been coming from and she felt her stomach drop like an anchor, the familiar sense of panic beginning to cloud her senses. But then, the intruder in her bed seemed to become aware of what was happening, pulling her closer into the embrace. The shift in movement sent a waft of strawberry scented bliss to fill her nostrils, and her panic began to dissipate into thin air.

Beca swiveled to lie on her back and as she did so sensed Chloe's gaze wash over her, obviously trying to gage how she was coping with the current situation.

"Morning Becs," Chloe said sweetly, her voice thick with sleep. The two girls were still cuddled up together, with the redhead gripping the fabric of Beca's t-shirt loosely.

Two pairs of blue eyes, each of a strikingly different shade stared into each other for a few moments before Chloe spoke again.

"I guess I should probably explain how I ended up…in your bed." Beca noticed a very faint hint of nervousness in Chloe's voice, as if she was scared that the brunette would make a run for it any second.

After receiving a nod and a reassuring look in her direction, Chloe continued.

"You've been having really bad nightmares every night…although I suppose you probably know that. But anyway, last night's one was really bad…I tried everything that usually works to calm you down but nothing was working. So I just thought I get in," a rosy blush crept up Chloe's face as she spoke shyly.

"I know I shouldn't have done. It was really insensitive of me. I can get out if you want. But it worked…as soon as we started cuddling you went right back to sleep so I just thought I'd stay here. I really did plan on moving back before you woke up but I guess I was just really comfy and I carried on sleeping and I'm really sorry Beca…" But before Chloe could continue she was stopped with the softest of touches on her lips. Her rambling had been stopped by Beca's finger, lying as lightly as a feather across her lips, a clear sign that she should just be quiet.

"So do you want me to get out?" asked Chloe sensitively.

The pillow rustled quietly as Beca shook her head. The redhead relaxed at this response and Beca turned away from Chloe, molded herself back into Chloe's form and closed her eyes.

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The rest of the day passed by in a blur of patronising doctors, gossiping patients, and in Chloe's case, infuriating parents.

Beca and Chloe were re-united in their room mid-afternoon, and they sat reading as they usually did. But Chloe could tell that something was bothering Beca, she just couldn't put her finger on what. She noticed that the brunette was very restless. Usually she got so absorbed in her book that she'd be distracted for hours, but today her eyes were wandering across the room and she was fidgeting non-stop.

Chloe put down her book and got up to put on her jacket and shoes which had been discarded at the end of the bed.

"Do you fancy coming for a walk Beca? Its really nice out."

The brunette responded eagerly and proceeded to don her coat and trademark combat boots. She opened the door courteously for Chloe and waved her shyly through before following suit.

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Warm rays of sun reflected off the lake as Chloe and Beca walked past, the soft spring breeze blowing locks of red hair in front of Chloe's eyes. After a battle of wills the redhead slid her arm through Beca's as they walked along, ecstatic when the younger girl didn't even flinch at the contact. She simply looked up at Chloe's baby blues and smiled.

"Something's bothering you. What's wrong? I know you think you're some impenetrable fortress, but not to me Beca, I can tell when the cogs in your head are turning too fast."

She motioned to a nearby bench and lead Beca to it, who sat down heavily and tucked her knees up by her chin. The redhead settled next to her and looked out over the lake. The reeds were swaying gently in the breeze and over in the distance she could see a flock of birds diving at the water and swooping up into the air dramatically.

Beca's mind on the other hand was much less serene than the sight in front of her. There were so many questions she needed to ask Chloe. After what she had seen in her dream the previous night there were questions that she needed answering. But she had no way of asking them. 'Damn this fucking Mutism' she thought. 'All I want to do is talk to her. I need to know if that was her; if that's what happened to her.'

Slowly, she reached out towards Chloe. She knew this probably wasn't the right way of going about things, but it had to be done. Beca picked up Chloe's arm gently, leaving it to rest on her knee. As she slid her fingers along the soft cotton to the hem by Chloe's wrist the redhead froze and looked up at her with dread filling her beautiful eyes. Beca tilted her head questioningly and smiled, raising her eyebrows as if to ask, 'Is this okay?'

She began to inch the sleeve up Chloe's arm. As she pulled it higher a long, thick, vertical scar began to reveal itself. She ran her finger across it tentatively and Chloe gasped in surprise. Although it was on its way to being healed Beca could still distinguish the faint redness outlining the thick skin, showing that this scar was most definitely not an old one.

Instinctively Beca knew that her dream had been correct. She just couldn't work out why Chloe would have wanted to do this to herself. 'She's so beautiful' Beca thought as the sunlight glinted off Chloe's features, basking her face in an angelic glow.

They sat like that for a few minutes; Beca's thumb stroking the wound tenderly as Chloe's eyes were fixated on her. After a long while the redhead's voice piped up through the silence.

"I tired to kill myself. That's why they put me in here. I mean no doubt I would have been admitted anyway, but that was what triggered it all," she looked ashamed. It was now that Beca realised why Chloe always wore longs sleeves, and the endearing habit of pulling her sleeves down around her hands suddenly made perfect sense.

Beca stared up into Chloe's eyes, trying to convey everything she felt through them, but for once it didn't feel like enough.

"I just…I didn't see any other way. I was killing myself by not eating anyway. I thought I'd just quicken the process. Everything was so awful," the redhead stated as tears began to fall from her eyes.

"It all started when I was in high school. I realised I was gay, and I knew I could never tell my parents because they're like, the most homophobic people on this earth. So I suppose I wanted to be able to control something…I don't know. But then it just got worse and worse and I didn't know how to stop. I don't' even think I wanted to. So I decided that this was the only option," she said between sniffles, tears wetting her cheeks.

She felt the brunette continue her movements; it was actually wonderfully soothing for Chloe. It felt incredible to know that there was someone out there who wouldn't judge her for her past and who wouldn't run a mile at what Chloe was divulging.

"So one afternoon I found the courage to do it. I thought that this…" she said as she pointed at her scar, "was the best way to do it. I wanted to feel the pain as it ended, because I knew it'd be the last pain I felt."

'Why couldn't someone have just told her she was beautiful,' thought Beca angrily. She wondered how anyone could have let that happen to Chloe; let her harm herself in that way. In that second Beca vowed to never let anything or anyone harm Chloe ever again, even if she was saving the girl from herself.

"I just…I just didn't understand how anyone would ever love me like I was. I was disgusting. What I was doing to myself makes me feel sick. I was like a skeleton. I remember looking in the mirror just before and thinking how fucked up it all was. How no one could ever know how I felt. I was so alone" she said as tears streamed down her cheeks now, her chest heaving with ragged breaths as she tried to control her sobs.

And as an afterthought she said, "I don't know how you're still here. I thought you'd have left me by now. I wouldn't want to speak to me after knowing all of this."

The sunlight shone directly onto Chloe's face, highlighting each of her perfect features. Her eyes, watery and wide, glimmered in the light and Beca could see every shade of blue imaginable all combined to produce the most vibrant colour she had ever seen. The brightness of her hair was almost blinding, amplified by the sunlight as it shone like a flame against the green of trees and grass in the background.

"**I still think you're beautiful."**

Beca continued to absentmindedly stroke Chloe's arm. When she looked up at the redhead she was met with an inexplicably shocked face.

"Beca…Beca you just spoke to me. YOU JUST SPOKE TO ME!"

The brunette clamped a hand over her mouth, reeling backwards in shock as Chloe squealed excitedly.

"YOU SPOKE TO ME! WORDS…YOU SPOKE WORDS," Chloe was now jumping up and down in front of the brunette, who still had her hand over her mouth. Lowering her hand ever so slowly Beca opened her mouth and shocked herself when she spoke again.

"I thought it was in my head" she said, her voice croaky and quiet, not used to being utilised.

Chloe grabbed Beca's hands and pulled her off the bench bringing her into a bone-crushing hug; she picked the smaller girl up, spinning her round and round in circles and shrieking as she did so. Once she was standing firmly on the ground again, Beca pulled away and looked directly into Chloe's eyes, an impossibly large grin covering both of their faces.

Chloe couldn't control her emotions. "I can't believe I'm really hearing your voice. I've always imagined it in my head, what it would sound like and everything but it's really like nothing I could have imagined! It's amazing. You're amazing. I'm so proud of you Bec."

"You're beautiful" she said shyly, "and you have no idea how long I've wanted to be able to tell you that."


	9. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! We're so so sorry it's taken so long! Unfortunately we've both been drowning in work to do but here it is! We hope it lives up to expectations and that you all enjoy it!**

**Also thank you all for the AMAZING feedback! It's always a motivation when we get messages like we have been so thank you to each and every one of you!**

**Until next time!**

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Feeling the bed dip behind her, Beca could feel the smile on her face before she had even opened her eyes. Rolling onto her back, she was instantly greeted with Chloe's gorgeous smile.

"Morning!" Chloe beamed.

Beca just lay there, smiling up at Chloe as memories from the night before flooded into her mind.

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_Beca couldn't believe it as Chloe spun her around. As she was set back on her feet, Beca felt the world around her continue to spin and then suddenly halt as Chloe's sparkling eyes met her own._

_Feeling Chloe's hands come up to frame her face, Beca watched as the tears gathered in Chloe's eyes._

"_You spoke Beca. Actually spoke." The redhead choked out in a whisper. "I'm so proud of you."_

_Beca felt her hand rise and before she realised what she was doing, she watched her own hand rest on the redhead's cheek and her thumb catch the first tear as it fell from Chloe's eyes. Leaving her hand where it was, Beca suddenly noticed how close their faces were. _

_With barely an inch between them, Beca watched Chloe sway ever so closely and slid her eyes shut at the soft brush of Chloe's nose against her own._

_Opening her eyes again, Beca found Chloe staring directly back at her, her bright blue orbs lit up so extraordinarily by the low hanging sun. They stared so intently that Beca suddenly felt something alight within her. It wasn't like anything she had ever experienced. It was as though somebody had lit a fire pit in the bottom of her stomach and the heat rising from it was gathering in her chest, right around her heart._

_Whatever it was, Beca didn't want it to stop._

_Looking carefully back at Chloe, Beca watched as the redhead's eyes took on a softer look, one that made the fire in Beca's stomach explode. Frozen in place, Beca's eyes never left Chloe's as the redhead leaned in further and—_

"_Attention residents! The dining hall is now open for your evening meal. Please make your way towards the dining hall."_

_Dropping her hand from Chloe's face, Beca watched the taller girl take a small step back, concern lacing her features. Opening her mouth once again, the small brunette found that the words seem to already be there, waiting to come out._

"_Let's go." Beca spoke quietly, watching as a brilliant smile spread across Chloe's face._

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Beca wasn't entirely sure about what had happened the day before. Was Chloe really going to kiss her? As the thought crossed her mind, the brunette suddenly realised that she quite liked the idea of it. Feeling her smile stretch wider, Beca looked back up at Chloe, still sat on the edge of her bed.

"Good morning."

It was amazing what two small words could do to a person. As the words tumbled out of her mouth, Beca watched Chloe's eyes as they seemed to dance in glee. Suddenly feeling herself being pulled into a sitting position, Chloe threw herself into Beca's arms, holding onto her neck tightly.

"You ok there?" Beca mumbled quietly into Chloe's shoulder.

"Yeah." Chloe retorted. "I'm just so happy and so proud of you Beca."

Beca felt Chloe squeeze her once more before pulling back slightly and hesitantly pressing her lips to her cheek.

Her vision swimming and cheek burning from where Chloe's lips had been pressed, Beca sat staring at Chloe as she detangled herself and stood. Turning back towards Beca, her cheeks flushed, the redhead looked at her expectantly.

"Well get up then!"

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_Since discovering the two women in the same bed, Nurse Kay had kept a careful eye on them. It wasn't out of fear that one of the girls would be taken advantage of, as such is often the case in a situation like this but instead, it was to watch the improvement of mainly Beca's condition; Something that was visibly improving with each passing day._

_Nurse Kay was friendly with Dr Nicks after having worked with the man for over 12 years. She knew what was appropriate to report to him and what was to be dealt with internally by the nursing staff. _

_The two girls sharing the same bed was something that Nurse Kay had reported straight to Dr Nicks following her morning discovery. Like herself, the grey-haired man expressed the same disbelief and excitement as she had along with a promise that he was to be told of any close interaction between the two girls as to be able to keep progress on both of their conditions._

_So when Nurse Kay happened to, by chance, come across the two girls about 50 feet away from her by the lake, she was absolutely flabbergasted to watch what seemed to be Beca's first words to Chloe._

_Watching as Chloe spun Beca around, both of them holding the other tightly, Nurse Kay could feel the tears well up in her eyes. To anyone outside the Treatment Centre, the two women would look completely and utterly infatuated with each other. The look of pure joy radiating from both of their faces was not an expression seem often at Barden Abbey._

_Wiping her eyes softly, Nurse Kay turned to leave but found she couldn't take her eyes off of the two girls as their moment of joy suddenly morphed into something extremely personal and loving. Knowing that she was intruding on a moment nobody else was supposed to see, Nurse Kay forced her eyes away from the scene and continued down the path towards the Centre with every intention of seeking out Dr Nicks to inform him of the scene she had just witnessed._

_As she neared the entrance to the common room, Nurse Kay heard the loud evening announcement filter through the grounds. Glancing behind her, she saw the two women quickly pull apart, clearly disturbed before heading towards the Centre. Internally cursing at how the two girls had been disrupted, Nurse Kay continued in her quest to update Dr Nicks, well aware that this particular progress of Beca's would most likely be distributed to each of her Doctors._

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The worst part of Beca's day by far was her usual shaping sessions with Dr Brut.

Dr Brut was a specialist that had been recently brought in by the centre in a bid to improve Beca's condition. While she hadn't enjoyed the session before he took over them, Beca was beginning to miss the gentle pushes that Dr Robton would give her instead of the hard shoves Dr Brut seemed to keep trying.

Beca knew as soon as Dr Brut starting speaking that today would be a vastly different session.

"Dr Nicks informs me that you were seen speaking to Chloe Beale last night Beca. Is this true?"

Blunt and right to the point. How he was a specialist in such a sensitive disorder was beyond Beca. Of course the brunette wasn't going to respond, how could she? While speaking to Chloe had felt amazing and just _natural_, the thought of communicating with anybody else was mind-jarringly terrifying.

"I don't see why you can't speak to me Beca, it's obvious you can speak." The older man continued. "You know the quicker you get through this the quicker you get out of this god forsaken place."

The panic was slowly seeping up. While the fear was still always there, the crippling panic that used to have her paralysed had not emerged in some time. Beca put it down to Chloe being around her most of the time. It was here, as the older mans voice began to rise with each sentence that Beca knew this session would not end well.

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It was 3.38pm as Chloe sat in the dining hall. As she had been at the centre for long enough and had actually started to gain some of the weight she needed. With her agreement, there had been a fourth meal, a snack of sorts, added to her treatment plan. It was hard but day-by-day; Chloe could feel small pieces of strength returning to her mind and body. This was just something that had to be done.

As the redhead sat, chewing slowly and carefully on the granola bar broken into pieces before her, her mind wandered to her brunette roommate.

Chloe could still feel the amazement that ran through her as it had when Beca had spoken to her. She was so immensely proud of the younger girl and couldn't help how her heart swelled with pride each time she thought of her.

Feeling her mind wander further to the almost-kiss with Beca, Chloe felt her chest tighten slightly. Had she really been about to kiss Beca? Chloe had known she was gay for years; it's what contributed to her own problems. But was Beca? Did Beca even know?

Before she could let her thoughts get any further, Chloe's attention was sharply drawn to Nurse Kay as she burst through the entrance of the dining hall. Watching the older woman look around the room, Chloe watched with wide eyes as the woman's eyes landed on her and she made her way over to where she sat.

"Chloe, I need you to come with me right away."

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Beca felt like she couldn't breathe. With her legs drawn up to her chest and head buried in her knees, she felt herself gasping for air but unable to draw enough in. Her vision was beginning to swim and it felt as though she was either going to pass out or induce a heart attack.

On her right was one of the treatment nurses, attempting to coax Beca out of her panic and at the doorway to her left, Beca could hear the loud voices of Dr Nicks and Dr Brut as they argued over Beca's treatment and it only made the panic inside her increase threefold. Feeling herself sway dangerously, Beca could sense the world around her beginning to spin as the darkness began to seep into her vision.

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Chloe followed Nurse Kay quickly down the hallways of the Centre wide-eyed as she tried to comprehend what the nurse was telling her in quick breaths.

"There's been an incident with Beca." What?

"The specialist working with her seems to have been a little too forceful with her treatment." What?!

"She's completely shut down, you're the only person who has a chance of getting through to her." Nurse Kay finished off as they turned another corner.

"Where is she?" Chloe spoke up.

"Room 216" Nurse Kay replied as she watched the young redhead break into a run.

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"You have no right barging in here and commenting on what treatment I use for my patients!"

"Beca Mitchell has multiple doctors here at Barden Abbey, she is not just your patient! As her head consultant, it is not only my _right_ but my _duty_ to intervene wherever I see fit!"

"This is ludicrous! You told me yourself that she was seen speaking to another patient. It's obviously that she has the capability, she's just being difficult now!"

"How dare you assu—"

Beca continued to fight against the black out as the people around her continued to argue loudly. The nurse next to her was sweet but only making things worse for the brunette as she tried in vain to help.

All of a sudden there was a pause in the noise around her before an even bigger uproar from Dr Brut.

"She is not to be let in here! This is _my session_ with _my patient_ and I say that she is to be nowhere near here!"

Not understanding a word going on around her, Beca could feel herself sliding sideways off the chair, the darkness in her vision beginning to overwhelm her.

"REMOVE YOUR HANDS THIS INSTANCE" Beca flinched as Dr Nicks' voice ceased all arguments. "You have no comprehension of what's going on here Brut! As your superior here I am _ordering you_ to stand down. Your time here at Barden Abbey is over as of effective immediately. Now _pipe down_ and just watch!"

Beca had never heard Dr Nicks' voice so loud. As she listened to his final sentence, she couldn't help but wonder what he was telling Dr Brut to watch. Finally feeling the last wisps of darkness overtake her vision, Beca felt herself begin to slide completely off the chair.

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Before Chloe had even rounded the final corner, she could hear the commotion.

At the end of the hallway, outside room 216, stood Dr Nicks and another man, she assumed, was the offending doctor.

As she reached the doorway of the room, Chloe could see Beca huddled in a tight ball upon the chair she sat. Her eyes never leaving the small, trembling girl in the middle of the room, Chloe listened to the arguing doctor try to ban her from the room before frantically attempting to get past the two men blocking the doorway.

She didn't get far when she felt two extremely rough hands grab the tops of her arms and practically fling her back and continue to push until she was restrained against the opposite wall.

Suddenly hearing Dr Nicks' roar, Chloe felt the scene around her freeze and the hands restraining her drop.

Turning around, Chloe locked her eyes onto Beca once more and scrambled past the two men, through the doorway and crashed to her knees just in time to catch the brunette from completely sliding off the chair.

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Unaware as to the scene around her, Beca felt herself get corrected on the chair by firm hands before feeling a cool hand press against her cheek.

"Beca." A whispered voice.

Forcing herself through the haze in her mind, Beca opened her eyes. It took a moment to focus but as soon as she locked eyes with the redheaded beauty sitting on her knees in front of her, it was as if time stopped.

"Breath with me ok?"

Following Chloe's lead, Beca could feel the oxygen filling her lungs and her mind begin to clear with each passing breath.

Watching Chloe shift on her knees, Beca followed the redhead with her eyes as Chloe drew herself up to eye level.

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Sliding the hand she had on Beca's face round to rest on the back of the smaller girl's neck, Chloe pulled her forward until there was less than an inch between the two of them.

Feeling their now even breaths intermingle in the small space between them, Chloe was suddenly hit with the same feeling from the night before. Suddenly, there was nothing else in the world that Chloe _needed_ more than to feel Beca's lips against her own.

But it wasn't the time. Not like this.

Leaning her head forward, Chloe let her forehead rest against Beca's and brought her hand back to caress the cheek it had originally sat upon.

Finally watching as Beca's body drained of all the tension it had held, Chloe closed her eyes and shifted her head to brush her nose softly along the length of Beca's before quietly whispering.

"Are you ok?"

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The feel of Chloe's nose sliding slowly up and down her own was causing Beca's mind to cloud over once again. This time though, instead of a dark thundering mass pressing down on her, it felt as though she was being gently lifted on a golden cloud to the highest reaches of the heavens.

"Are you ok?"

It was a simple question and in her mind Beca knew that Chloe was asking if she was ok at that very moment in time but to Beca, the question reverberated around inside her body over and over again.

She wasn't ok. But one day, she was going to be. One day, she would be able to confidently stride up to somebody on the street and shake their hand while asking them how their day was. One day.

Looking deeply into Chloe's eyes, Beca knew there were still people in the room. People who were trying to change her and mould her into a functioning member of society in any way they saw fit.

But none of that mattered as the silent girl focused intently on the red head before her.

Reaching her own hand up to cup the redhead's jaw, Beca pulled back slightly before twisting her head round and, just like Chloe had that morning, planted a lingering kiss on her cheek.

Pulling back, Beca could hear the quiet gasps of the others still in the doorway watching but as she focused on Chloe, she realised that she didn't care.

"I'm am now you're here."

Maybe, just maybe, Chloe was the missing piece that Beca had craved for years.


	10. Chapter 8

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide, both in quite a lot of detail.**

**Hey guys! The feedback and response to the last chapter was absolutely amazing! Thank you to each and every one of you! This one would have been up sooner but I'm currently halfway through a move and Rosie has been at work/revising so sorry for that! Hopefully now that I'm all finished at uni, most of my time will be put to writing now so expect the next chapter soon! **

**Until next time!**

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It was the most incredible thing she had witnessed in all her 30 years of nursing, Nurse Kay knew for sure.

Since the previous week her mind had continued to drift back to that moment in Dr Brut's office, replaying it over and over again. Never in a million years did she think that two patients, especially one with a condition as debilitating as Beca's, would make such a strong connection to each other.

The kiss, the talking, the absolute bliss on both of the girls' faces in that instant was more than Nurse Kay could have ever imagined for them, and it made her inexplicably happy to watch the two girls progress together.

She watched them out of the Nurse's station window as they walked through the gardens hand in hand, Chloe leaning her head down to rest on Beca's shoulder. As Chloe turned her head to look back at the building she saw her chuckle, obviously amused by something Beca had said. There was a smile radiating so brightly from Chloe's face that Nurse Kay couldn't help but smile along with her.

Their happiness was infectious. She had even noticed a change in some of the other patients' demeanors in the last few days. There was something about the two girls which seemed to give everyone a little hope that everything would be okay.

Nurse Kay suddenly remembered the adorable event she had beheld a few days ago. On her morning checks she had quietly opened the door to Beca and Chloe's room, only to find that Beca was already awake.

The brunette had her headphones on and was oblivious to the open door behind her. The sight Nurse Kay was greeted with made her feel as if her heart was going to explode straight out of her chest. Beca was sitting up in bed, head bobbing along to the beat of the music, mouth lip-syncing the words, whilst she ran a delicate finger slowly across Chloe's face. She closed her eyes and it was as if she was trying to memorize every feature. It was a simple moment, but one so sweet and innocent that Nurse Kay felt as if she were intruding on something very personal.

Sights like this had not become uncommon and Nurse Kay secretly envisioned the day the Chloe and Beca would leave Barden Abbey together. She knew that when this day came, providing they had each other, they would both be fine.

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"Where are Chloe and Beca?" Dr Nicks questioned as he ran into the Nurse's station, breathing heavily from the sprint he had just done from his office.

Without looking up from her paperwork Nurse Kay replied, "They're out in the gardens. Why? What do you want with them?" The older woman found that she'd become rather protective of her two favourite patients, especially when someone wanted to interrupt their time together.

"I need them both here right now. That asshole Brut has done…" he drifted off, his head making its way into his hands.

"That asshole Brut has done what? Tell me. Now." She demanded, now firmly on her feet.

After a long pause Dr Nicks raised his head and looked Nurse Kay straight in the eye.

"He called Chloe's parents. He must have read her file and found out about how her illness was a partly a product of suppressing her sexuality…and how homophobic her parents are." He paused, regaining his breath quickly.

"So he called them. Spewed some bullshit about how she's involved in a worrying homosexual relationship with another patient and it's encroaching on her progress. They're demanding that she's moved to another ward, away from Beca. And that they're forbidden from seeing one another for the remainder of her stay here."

Nurse Kay could feel the anger bubbling up inside her. She couldn't believe that someone who was supposed to be a Doctor, someone who was supposed to help people, could do something like this. She daren't imagine what either of the girls would be like if they were taken away from each other. She couldn't help but imagine the worst.

Quickly she glanced out the window, immediately noticing the two girls sat underneath the willow tree next to the lake. Beca was showing Chloe something on her laptop and the redhead watched intently as Beca pressed buttons and clicked away. They looked so happy with each other. Nurse Kay saw Beca's mouth move and her stomach sank. She had to do something.

"We're going to Edward immediately" she said, her voice noticeably shriller than usual.

"Kay there's nothing we can do. Her parents are adamant that this is going to happen. And you know she's not well enough to leave yet."

"I have to try."

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Dr Edward Roach was the director of Barden Abbey. As much as Nurse Kay knew she must respect him, any politeness she had previously possessed was long gone by the time she barged her way into his office.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She yelled at Dr Roach.

"Well hello Kay, good afternoon to you too," he replied.

Without a second thought Nurse Kay began her rant, "Firstly, whose stroke of genius was it to employ that psychopathic asshole to try and help Beca Mitchell? Secondly, how the hell did the aforementioned psychopath manage to access personal files of patients who weren't even his patients?! And thirdly, when did we start listening to the unreasonable demands of patient's families who clearly have no idea how to help them?!"

"Ah" he said quietly, picking up a pencil off his big oak desk and twiddling it contemplatively between his fingers.

"I assume in this case you are referring to Miss Chloe Beale? Am I correct?"

"Yes" she snapped back at him, still standing in the middle of the room with her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"I regret to inform you that's there's nothing I can do. I've tried. I've heard a lot about both Miss Beale and Miss Mitchell from you and Dr Nicks, and I fully understand that keeping them together is the best thing for both of them. But her parents are very insistent." A long drawn out sigh escaped his lips as he dropped his pencil and he paused for a moment to pick it up before resuming his speech.

"They are adamant that Chloe will be moved away from Beca for the duration of her stay and that they shall have no contact whatsoever in this time. While I would like to refuse them, we can't allow them to take Chloe out of our care, as that may be even more detrimental to her health."

"So you're just going to sit there and let it happen?" Nurse Kay shouted angrily.

"If there was anything I could do, I would be doing it. I think our best plan is to allow it to happen for now and convince them otherwise before either of the girl's illnesses worsens too much again. It's our only option."

Nurse Kay sat and contemplated it for a moment. She couldn't bear the thought of Beca and Chloe being separated but there was no other choice. She vowed that she would do whatever she could to show Chloe's parents how much of a positive effect Beca was having on Chloe. Maybe she could show them that all Chloe needed to get better was their acceptance of who she really was.

"So when is this happening?"

Dr Roach looked at the floor as he answered, "Chloe's parents will be here in two hours. Her things are being moved into her new room as we speak."

"WHAT? HAS ANYONE EVEN TOLD THEM YET? YOU CAN'T RIP THEM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER WITHOUT ANY WARNING."

Dr Roach slid his chair back before he said; "Well I thought I'd leave that to you."

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As Nurse Kay walked towards Beca and Chloe, who were still sitting happily under the tree, she couldn't work out how to bring herself to tell them.

Beca looked up as Nurse Kay approached and nudged Chloe to let her know they had company. Although Beca had spoken in front of Nurse Kay a few times now, both times had been when she thought she was alone with Chloe. It was at those times that she let herself relax the most and didn't over think everything.

Being her loud and bubbly self Chloe didn't mind doing the talking anyway.

"Hello girls," Nurse Kay said quietly. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she really had to try hard to keep tears from spilling over her eyes.

She smoothed her skirt down before sitting down on the grass opposite Beca and Chloe.

"I have something to tell you both. In all my years of nursing I have never seen two patients make such a fast connection. You two have done wonders for each other, and I truly believe that with each other's help both of you can recover from all of your problems. But…" She paused.

"But what?" Chloe asked quietly, a look of concern spreading swiftly across her face. Instinctively she grabbed Beca's hand and clutched it within her own.

"Chloe dear. I'm afraid that Dr Brut called your parents."

Immediately tears began to well up in Chloe's eyes. Nurse Kay noticed that Beca had frozen, her eyes as big as saucers, all apart from her thumb which was making small circles across Chloe's hand.

"He told them about you…and Beca. They're insisting that we move you to another ward. But I can assure you I am already doing everything I can to get them to reconsider. I plan on having a private meeting with them and telling them just how well you have been doing with Beca by your side. I will stop this."

For once, Chloe was silent. Tears were running down both the girls' faces as they stared into each other's eyes. Swiftly Beca lunged forward and wrapped Chloe up in her arms. They held each other for what seemed like hours before Nurse Kay spoke up again.

"Your parents will be here in an hour. I'm so unbelievably sorry girls, I really am. I'll see you inside. "

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The time that Beca and Chloe had together was not long enough. It never could have been long enough with what was looming over their heads. Internally Beca was already beginning to panic at the thought of not having Chloe close to her, but she didn't show it. Because whatever she was feeling, Beca thought to herself, Chloe would be feeling it 10 times worse.

When it came time to head inside they walked up to the porch together, fingers locked in a vice-like grip.

As soon as she walked through the door Chloe was greeted with the grim faces of her parents and they looked less than impressed that she was currently holding hands with another girl. The girl.

"Come on Chloe. It's time to go," her father's voice boomed out from across the room.

She turned to look at Beca momentarily. Her grey blue eyes were as filled with as much water as Chloe's own aquamarine ones were and as soon as they locked gaze tidal waves of tears began flowing down both their cheeks.

"Chloe. Now."

She threw her arms around the brunette's neck and clutched on to her desperately, gripping the fabric of Beca's shirt so tightly that she was in danger of ripping it off. Chloe heard her father's heavy footsteps crossing linoleum tiles, his big work boots clumping as he got closer. One. Two. Three. Four.

Suddenly Beca felt the warmth in front of her ripped away as Chloe's father grabbed her arm and yanked her away from Beca.

"No, no, no, no please Daddy, don't do this. I need her," Chloe shrieked, but her father paid no attention.

Beca watched Chloe be pulled out of the room by her father, her mother following suit.

She felt someone move in next to her and looked up to see Nurse Kay wiping her eyes with a tissue, but as she tried to focus the background began to blur. The tears were clouding her eyes and her mind was foggy.

As she sunk to the floor Beca could only form one rational thought.

'They took Chloe away. They took Chloe and now I'm alone again.'

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**A/N: SORRY GUYS! But there's gotta be a bump in the road somewhere for them! Tune in next time to see how the girls deal with their separation**


	11. Chapter 9

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide, both in quite a lot of detail. **

Hey Guys!

We're really sorry this chapter has taken so long! Both of us have been crazy busy with all that life bullshit and I'm in the middle of revising for exams which SUCKS. But we hope you enjoy and we promise we'll try and get the next one to you faster!

Thanks again for all your amazing feedback, we really do appreciate every word!

Until next time!

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If watching the progression of both Beca and Chloe's conditions had been heart warming and a joy to see, then the regression of their illnesses since being split was simply heart wrenching and cruel.

Nurse Kay knew that in a normal situation, she would be considered too emotionally attached to provide proper care for her patients but there was something about the two girls that affected everyone around them in a similar fashion.

While it had only been 4 days since being torn apart, the girls had reverted back into their old habits with horrifying ease.

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Beca's eyes flickered open, the images from her nightmare burnt into the back of her eyelids. Each blink caused a horrific scene of violence to flood her vision for just a slight moment before the world around her came into view again.

Tilting her head to the left, Beca's eyes landed on the empty bed at the other side of the room. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she felt tears beginning to form. Closing her eyes tightly, Beca decided that she would rather face the demons lurking behind her eyes than face the reality of Chloe's absence.

Watching the horrific sight of her mother rearing back her arm, kitchen knife in hand, she looked on horrified, as she brought it down into her father's chest repeatedly, over and over again.

With her eyes snapping open, Beca realised that it was useless. No matter what she did, her efforts were in vain. Chloe was gone and that was that. There would be no one there to catch her as she tumbled through the horror of her nightmares. No one to hold her tight and whisper words of comfort into her hair. No one who, with just their mere presence, could pull Beca out of herself and make her want to find her voice. All that remained was the shell of a girl who had been clawing her way out and into a brighter future. With Chloe's light now gone, Beca had never felt herself in such a dark place before in her life.

With a heaving sigh and a quick swipe to remove the tears from her eyes, Beca hoisted herself up out of the bed and began to get ready for another hopeless day.

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With a groan, Chloe let herself fall backwards to sit on the floor of the bathroom stall. Wiping her mouth, the redhead felt the tears build in her eyes as the guilt overwhelmed her. Since being torn away from Beca, Chloe had fallen back into bad habits. While she couldn't control how much she ate, she could control bringing it back up.

Knowing that she had to be quick to avoid suspicion from the nurses, Chloe slowly stood and exited the stall. Grabbing a paper towel, she ran it under the water from the tap before wiping it over her face and mouth.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, all Chloe could see was the same face that had haunted her for years before Beca appeared in her life. The same face that, with the brunette by her side, she had begun to hate a little less everyday.

With Beca gone, the reflection staring back at Chloe was one she could barely look at. It was of a girl who had no control over her life. A girl who couldn't stand up to her parents or anyone who spoke in her place. The eyes looking back at her held a pain that resonated so deep, it was impossible to tell where the anguish ended and she began. The cheeks hanging under the eyes taking a sunken appearance and the lips below that dried and cracked.

Quite simply, the reflection staring back at Chloe was of a broken girl, clinging desperately to the remaining strands of a potential future.

Heaving a great sigh, Chloe threw the paper towel aside and walked out of the bathroom, intent on going for a walk to the lake.

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Dr Nicks closed the door gently as Beca took a seat. It was unusual for the older man to hold sessions in his office but after recent events, he had decided that it was most likely for the best to give the young woman a change of scenery by bringing her to a more personal surrounding.

Turning to the brunette, Dr Nicks took in her appearance. It was clear to see that the last few days had taken a toll on Beca. With her knees pulled up tightly to her chest and head resting upon them as she took in her surroundings, the girl had clearly withdrawn completely into herself once more.

Treading carefully across the room, Dr Nicks gently eased himself into his seat before casting a careful look over the girl in front of him.

"Beca—" Dr Nicks paused as the before him flinched upon hearing his voice. Sighing, he continued. "—I'm not going to try and make you talk again. We both know that it's unlikely you'll find a reason to do so without Chloe here."

Watching sadly as the averted eyes before him filled with tears, Dr Nicks continued with his speech. "I've brought you in here today because I want you to know that I am doing everything in my power to get the two of you back together. The way you were torn apart was barbaric and only set the both of you back in your conditions."

Seeing Beca frown at the small tidbit of information concerning Chloe's condition, Dr Nicks took a deep breath before continuing, choosing his words carefully. "Beca, Chloe is fine for now. Like yourself, she seems to have regressed slightly in her condition but unlike you, her problems have a direct affect on her physical health."

Taking a moment before continuing, Dr Nicks watched Beca's eyes rise up to look at the pen in his hands. It was obviously a sign that she was listening closely to him. This was the closest to direct communication that Beca had ever expressed toward him.

"I need you to stay strong Beca, for Chloe. She's going to need you when we get you access to her. I won't sugarcoat it for you Beca, in the past few days, Chloe has set herself on a self-destructive path." Straightening up in his chair, Dr Nicks rested his elbows on his desk as his voice lowered slightly.

"I understand that you probably don't trust any of the staff here after what has happened, but please believe me when I say that we are all doing our best to reunite the two of you. You have touched the hearts of so many people here and I, for one, would like to thank you for that."

Clearing his throat, Dr Nicks turned slightly in his chair to look out the window, his eyes on a fixed location somewhere in the distance. After approximately 20 seconds of silence, he turned back to Beca and slowly stood.

"I'll let you go now Beca, feel free to go about your day." Watching the silent girl rise from her seat, Dr Nicks called her name once more as she reached the door. Seeing her freeze with her hand on the door handle, he spoke quickly before Beca left.

"If I were you, I'd take a nice walk around the grounds. Perhaps along the lakeside."

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Dumping herself down by the tree where she had been when Beca had first spoken, Chloe looked longingly out over the lake. In the distance, she could see a bird dipping low, its path causing a stream through the water in its wake.

In that moment, Chloe wished with everything within her that she could be that bird. Free from all her troubles and _happy_.

As she watched the sun dip lower behind the lake, Chloe suddenly became highly aware that there was someone stood in her peripheral vision watching her. Snapping her head round, she couldn't stop the squeak as she took in the sight before her. The soft brown curls resting around the shoulders, the dark blue eyes.

Beca.

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It was strange seeing Chloe sat there. Being away from her for four days had really clouded the brunette's mind. Opening her mouth, Beca felt her breath get trapped in her mouth as she fought to make her voice heard. Gradually, Beca could feel the haze in her mind thicken and struggled her keep her eyes on the girl before her.

Watching as Chloe suddenly realised she was there, Beca found herself fighting the panicked urge to run as she watched Chloe scramble to her feet. Bracing herself as the redhead flung herself into her arms and wrapped herself around her body, Beca suddenly felt the mist in her mind shatter and clear with astounding speed.

Unable to stop the tears from falling, Beca wrapped her arms tightly around the girl in them and allowed herself feel the full force of her emotions as they hit her.

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Feeling the tears on her neck, Chloe clutched Beca closer as she let her own fall.

"Beca…" She croaked. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Letting more tears fall as she felt Beca's shoulders shake with each silent sob, Chloe continued to hold onto the brunette.

"I couldn't stop him! He wouldn't listen to me! I'm so sorry Beca." Chloe continued to sob as she felt Beca's arms tighten around her.

The feel of Beca pressed up against her brought Chloe a sense of peace. It was as though no one could harm her as long as she was with Beca. She didn't have to pretend to be someone she wasn't. With Beca, she could be herself. That reason alone was enough to make her heart swell as she finally pulled away from their embrace and made eye contact with the girl.

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Suddenly finding Chloe's bright blue eyes locked onto her own, Beca felt the world around her drop away. Unable to break her gaze, Beca watched as a range of emotion passed through Chloe's stare. First relief, replaced by concern as Chloe swept her eyes around Beca's face to assess her wellbeing, her eyes suddenly took on a misty appearance as another emotion floated into them. Adoration?

Dropping her arms from Chloe's shoulders, Beca rested them on the taller girl's hips before opening her mouth to speak.

Nothing.

Feeling a sudden urge of panic when her voice failed her, Beca felt an overwhelming shame enter her body as she broke both eye and body contact with Chloe to step back slightly and stare intently at the floor, tears gathering in her eyes once more.

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Chloe watched carefully as Beca's mouth opened and felt her heart break as she saw the brunette's face contort into an expression of devastation.

Feeling Beca step away from her after breaking all physical contact, it took Chloe no longer than 2 seconds to step close to Beca once more, slipping her arms around the smaller girl's neck.

Still seeing Beca's stare averted away from her towards the ground, Chloe slid her right hand from the back of Beca's neck, round to her face as she cupped the brunette's jaw and pulled her face up to capture Beca's eyes with her own once more. As she felt Beca's arms encircle her waist once more, Chloe looked deeply into her eyes.

"Don't." She whispered softly. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Pulling the Beca's face closer to her own once more, Chloe rested their foreheads together, keeping eye contact the whole time before whispering again.

"Nothing."

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It was almost too much for Beca to bear. Being away from Chloe had created a great void within her that had threatened to swallow her whole from the inside, out. Suddenly having her here now had caused the emptiness in her to abruptly fill, leaving her slightly dizzy.

As Chloe's eyes continued to bore into her own, Beca felt the tension lift from her chest and, as she opened her mouth once more, Beca knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"I still think you're beautiful."

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Hearing Beca's echo of her first spoken statement, Chloe found her heart swelling with utter adoration once more.

Tilting her head slightly and closing her eyes, Chloe let their noses brush softly along one another's as she replayed the statement over and over in her mind, each time eliciting stronger feelings within the redhead.

Opening her eyes once more, Chloe felt her stomach flip as she met Beca's soft, loving gaze. Not being able to control herself any longer, Chloe made a bold choice.

"Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't freak out."

Brushing their noses together once more, Chloe watched Beca's eyes shut at the sensation before sliding her own shut and moving her hands to the back of Beca's neck. Pulling softly, Chloe finally sealed her lips over Beca's.

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Not knowing how to react as Chloe kissed her, the brunette kept her arms completely still as the redhead in them began to move her lips gently against her own.

With her initial shock fading, Beca could feel a sense of panic rising from the bottom of her stomach. Fisting the back of Chloe's shirt in her hand, Beca remained frozen in position as she willed her body not to shut down on her now.

Feeling a different, deeper pressure emerge in her chest, Beca's arms tensed suddenly around Chloe, causing the redhead to suddenly pull away from the kiss.

"I'm so sorry Beca, I should never have assumed that it was okay to do that." Chloe babbled.

Keeping her eyes clenched shut, Beca remained still as she felt the new, unfamiliar sensation in her chest continue to build. Feeling the pressure take over the panic rising from her stomach, the mute girl stood in amazement as it filled her entire being. With every muscle in Beca's body seemingly on full alert, it was as though she was waiting to burst.

Feeling a cool hand ghost across her forehead and face, Beca stood unmoving while it came to a rest on her cheek.

"Beca?"

Abruptly feeling the pressure within her explode at Chloe's soft whisper, Beca's eyes flew open to meet Chloe's concerned gaze. Taking a deep breath, Beca considered what just happened within her before realizing with sudden clarity that there was no hesitation within her. No panic, no feelings of shame, no embarrassment, no nothing. Instead she felt relaxed, happy even.

She felt _free._

With that sudden realisation, Beca's mouth stretched into a wide grin before she pulled Chloe by the waist towards her and kissed her hard.

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The view of Beca's smile caused an uncontrollable sensation to flood through Chloe. As Beca's mouth hit her own once again, Chloe couldn't help but be completely drawn in by the woman in her arms.

With their lips firmly pressed together, Chloe moved her hands up into Beca's hair, tangling her fingers into the dark locks. Moving her head slightly to the right, Chloe captured Beca's bottom lip between her own, giving it a teasing bite before coaxing Beca's mouth open with her tongue.

As Beca hesitantly traced her hands up and down the redhead's back, Chloe tugged on her hair, pulling the brunette even closer as their tongues met for the first time.

After a few teasing flicks, Chloe gracefully slid her tongue over Beca's and, as a longing moan erupted from the brunette's throat, proceeded to explore her mouth.

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As far as first kisses go, Beca was certain that this was perfect. As the redhead pressed against her prolonged this kiss, Beca could feel her heart singing with joy. This wonderful woman in her arms had freed her. It was in that moment Beca knew that, as long as she had Chloe, she would be capable of everything she had ever dreamed of.

Feeling their kiss begin to slow, Beca's heart fluttered as Chloe slowly moved her mouth from her lips, pressing kisses to her cheeks, eyelids and nose before completely pulling back and opening her eyes.

Seeing those blue eyes ablaze with passion, Beca could only form one thought in her mind.

"Chloe." Beca whispered softly. "I think I lo—"

"CHLOE! GET INSIDE THE CENTRE THIS INSTANT!"

Suddenly being cut off by the scream in the distance, Beca watched as the momentary joy between them drained and the terror flooded into Chloe's eyes as the voice carried across the grounds to them.

Turning her eyes towards the source of the scream, Beca felt her body go numb as she watched the enormous figure race towards them.

Mr Beale. Fuck.


	12. Chapter 10

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide, both in quite a lot of detail. **

HEY GUYS! We're so sorry about how long this has taken to arrive! Between Rosie's A Level exams and me moving home from uni we've been struggling to get anything done.

Until next time!

(Totally edited this because I forgot the scene breaks! It should read better now...)

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_The two girls desperately clung to each other as they continued to watch Mr Beale advance on their position. _

_Knowing she may only have mere seconds left with Beca, Chloe shifted her wide eyes from her father back to the girl in front of her._

"_Beca, I don't think I can do this without you."_

_The brunette turned her attention to Chloe as she heard the words and, without hesitation, pulled her closer. Touching their foreheads together and feeling Chloe's hand rise to frame her face, Beca knew that she would never be as free or as comfortable as she was when Chloe was with or around her._

"_You don't have to Chloe. I'll always be right here." Casting a fleeting glance sideways, Beca felt all her previous panic returning as she saw Mr Beale less than 40 feet from them._

"_Chloe you need to be strong…" Beca began, looking deep into the redhead's eyes. Raising her own hands to cover Chloe's on her face, Beca could already feel her voice shutting down on her again as the sound of Mr Beale's footsteps growing closer hit her ears. "Don't let him do this to you Chloe."_

_With terror suddenly exploding in her chest, Beca watched Chloe's tearful expression split into a scream as Mr Beale finally reached them and latched his arms around his daughter's waist._

_Watching, frozen in place and unable to make a sound, Beca suddenly felt Chloe's hands leave her face as Mr Beale forcefully carried his daughter away, back towards the Centre._

_With Chloe's screams continuously ringing in her ears, Beca dropped to her knees, immediately feeling the burden of her fears and anxiety unceremoniously crash back into her reality with the overwhelming absence of Chloe._

Opening her eyes and rolling over, Chloe stared at the wall opposite her. Within seconds of awakening, the memory of her father tearing her away from Beca clouded her vision.

Chloe sighed as she turned on her back, trying to block out her own screams ringing in her ears. An entire two weeks after she was torn away from the small brunette, Chloe was yet to find a way back to Beca.

"_Daddy no! Let me go!"_

Squeezing her eyes shut, Chloe tried hard to force the memories from her mind.

"_Daddy please! NO! Let me go!"_

"_Chloe stop! Look at the scene you're causing! For once in your life, think about your mother and I! We will not allow this behaviour! I forbid it!"_

"_Put me down! You have no idea what you're doing!"_

"_For once in your life Chloe, stop being a disappointment!"_

The tears were present long before Chloe noticed them. She had spent days deliberating that phrase, turning it over in her mind. _**Disappointment.**_

Hearing footsteps near her room, Chloe sat up and swung her legs out of bed and sat up.

'Disappointment. All I've ever done is disappoint.'

Feeling the bitter taste of the word left in her mouth, Chloe continued to let the shame wash over her and she felt all resemblance of control slip from her life.

Hearing the door to her bedroom gently swing open, Chloe looked up to find her new ward nurse standing in the doorway.

"It's time for your breakfast Chloe," The older woman announced softly before leaving the redhead to get ready.

'Well…' Chloe thought to herself as she rose from her position and looked at her gaunt face in the mirror on her wall. 'At least there's one thing I know I can control.'

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_Brusquely dumping his daughter onto her bed, Mr Beale turned to leave when Chloe's cries reached a new level of anguish. Whirling around, he stared hard at the young woman before him._

"_It is a sin Chloe. I will not have a daughter willingly committing these sinful acts!"_

_Watching as Chloe's tears only fell faster, Mr Beale continued out of the room before pausing in the doorway. Glancing back at his daughter, he felt the slightest tug of guilt and he watched Chloe claw at her chest amidst the cries. Shaking it off he continued out the room, closing the door firmly behind him._

_With his head bowed low, he looked up as he saw a pair of feet come into his line of vision. Finding the brilliant blue eyes of his wife staring coldly back at him, he felt his anger flare._

"_You know very well that this cannot be allowed to happen! So don't look at me like I'm the bad guy here. She might not see it now but I'm doing this for her."_

_Mrs Beale stood quietly for some time, studying her the man before her. Eventually she sighed and turned on her heel before walking away, pausing only to throw a statement back at her husband._

"_We may not like it Jack, but we have to acknowledge that this is her life we're meddling in. You do whatever it is that you think you have to, but think carefully about whether your actions are for her sake or your own."_

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Beca tore her eyes open as the memory of Chloe's shrieks bounced around her mind.

In the two weeks that had passed, Beca had not only reverted back into herself to where she was before the redheaded beauty had entered her life, but could also feel herself slipping deeper to a place she had never encountered before.

Staring blankly at the ceiling above her, Beca knew that, for all her internal efforts, struggling against her inner demons was pointless.

Turning her head to the side and letting her eyes flutter closed once again, Beca could almost feel Chloe kissing her. The memory of the softness of the redhead's lips pressed against her own causing Beca's heart to lift. Tugs made at her hair by Chloe's hands that spread an unfamiliar warmth throughout her body.

Then suddenly nothing.

"_CHLOE!"_

"_Daddy NO!"_

Suddenly jolting, Beca's eyes flew open only to land upon Chloe's empty bed. The warmth that had arisen in Beca at her last sweet memories with Chloe suddenly dropped altogether, seemingly bringing a cloud of darkness over her head.

Every morning was the same, like clockwork. Wake up. Think of those final moments with Chloe. Feel the slightest bit of hope before crash landing back into reality. Be dragged even further into the darkness. Somehow manage to get out of bed. Stumble through the day, not once looking up from the floor.

Today was different though.

Trying with all her might to sit up and get out of bed, Beca couldn't move. It was as though there was someone sitting upon her chest, weighing her down. Trying in vain for several minutes, the darkness within her began to rise.

'What's the point?'

With that thought, Beca turned her head away from Chloe's empty side of the room and allowed herself to be overcome by the black mass swirling around inside of her.

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_Nurse Kay had seen the whole thing. Standing upon the communal decking watching the two women reunite in the distance, she respectfully turned away once she saw them both leaning in._

_Looking to the doorway as she heard the commotion, Nurse Kay's eyes widened as she heard the voice inching closer with every step._

"_I wish to see my daughter Roach, I demand it."_

_Panic setting in, Nurse Kay's eyes flew back to the two women, lip-locked by the lake._

"_Mr Beale, I must insist that you return tomorrow. Visiting hours ended over an hour ago." Dr Roach tried to plea._

"_I will not! I pay an extraordinary amount of money to you, I will visit my daughter when I see fit!"_

_Hearing the footsteps upon the decking behind her, Nurse Kay stood still as the two men approached her position from behind. The sudden stop of one pair of feet told her that the two girls had been spotted._

"_CHLOE! GET INSIDE THE CENTRE THIS INSTANT!"_

_Flinching as Mr Beale's voice suddenly boomed from behind her, Nurse Kay watched as he sped towards the girls. The look of pure terror on their faces caused the older woman's heart to break even further for them._

_Watching as the girls were ripped apart for the second time, Nurse Kay could see Beca left alone._

_Stepping down from the decking, Nurse Kay made her way to Beca. With Chloe's screams ringing clear across the Centre grounds, Nurse Kay hurried her pace as she watched the small brunette drop to her knees, her shoulders shaking with every gasp of air she craved._

"_Oh Beca." Nurse Kay whispered softly as she lowered herself next to the young woman. "I'm so sorry."_

_Seeing the brunette's breathing become even more erratic, Nurse Kay softly touched Beca's shoulder, recoiling instantly as the younger women practically threw herself away from her._

"_I'm sorry Beca but I need you to calm down. You need to focus on your breathing!" Nurse Kay knew that if she weren't able to calm Beca down, she'd be forced to sedate her._

_That was if Beca didn't pass out before she had to decide._

_Watching the small brunette's eyes become unfocused, Nurse Kay glanced down as Beca's arms holding her up began to give way._

_Automatically reaching for the small radio clipped to her belt, Nurse Kay quickly requested a gurney to her position before dropping it to lunge forward as the brunette finally lost consciousness and pitched forward, headfirst. Catching Beca's head before it hit the ground, Nurse Kay put her in the recovery position as a precaution and made the necessary checks before sitting back and waiting for help._

_Glancing down at the young woman, Nurse Kay brushed a lock of hair from Beca's face as she sighed, feeling tears gathering in her eyes._

_There had to be something she could do._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Mr Beale signed irritably as he watched Chloe make her way to the bathroom.

Having sat with her for lunch, he was upset and angry when she didn't spare him a single glance.

Seeing Dr Nicks pass the doors, Mr Beale quickly stood and proceeded to exit the cafeteria.

"Dr Nicks!" He called.

Seeing the man turn around, Mr Beale proceeded to catch up to him before unleashing his anger on the man.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! I pay you to help my daughter! I sit there with her now and she hardly says a word. She doesn't look at me and it takes her half an hour to eat half a damn sandwich!" Unable to curb his frustrations, Mr Beale continued to verbally assault Dr Nicks.

"Just what kind of doctor are you? From what I see you are completely useless at your job and believe me when I say I will be talking to your superiors regarding your competence!"

After finishing his tirade, Mr Beale took a deep breath as he watched Dr Nicks' stunned face give way to one of annoyance and exasperation.

"With all due respect sir…" Dr Nicks began. "You are the one who tore your daughter away from her support system. Beca was a huge part of Chloe's progress here and ripping her away from that has completely compromised her entire recovery! Now, I am doing the best I can with the damage you have dealt your daughter, not only is she battling her original problems, she now has a broken heart and we are doing everything we can just to keep her head above the water!"

Watching as Dr Nicks turned on his heel and prepare to walk away, Mr Beale definitely felt the guilt coursing through him and Dr Nicks threw back one last statement.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to attend to another patient of mine who is suffering from your actions."

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Finally reaching the bathroom, Chloe threw herself into a stall where she proceeded to empty her entire stomach contents into the toilet.

Retching over and over again, Chloe finally pulled back and rested her head against the door behind her.

"_Don't let him do this to you Chloe."_

If she couldn't control her father's actions regarding her own life, then she would control her body.

Every piece of food would be carefully scrutinized before ingested. Resentment towards food and eating begins to take its place again. Times between eating and then purging would differ as not to arouse suspicion.

Lightly banging her head again the stall door, Chloe thought back to her father's eyes carefully watching her as she ate. She thought about how she completely avoided his stare and pretended as though he wasn't there.

It killed her to ignore her father as she loved him dearly but short of being a _**disappointment**_, she had never felt worthy to him. Too many times had she sat on the stairs and listened to her father complain about an element of her life that he was not satisfied with.

Pulling her knees up, Chloe rested her head against her legs as one thought became clearer, weighing down on her mind.

'I don't think I can do this much longer.'

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**A/N: We're sorry this couldn't be a more upbeat chapter but things have to get worse before they can get better right? Anyway we hope you enjoyed it! The next one will be along considerably sooner we promise! **

**Thanks so much to those of you who have stuck with our story, please tell us what you think!**


	13. Chapter 11

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mentions of eating disorders and suicide, both in quite a lot of detail.**

Hey guys! We had some great feedback from the last chapter so thank you all for that! We hope you enjoy this chapter as much as we do!

Until next time!

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Beca woke up with a start. Her bloodcurdling dreams had returned with a vengeance. Slowly, she sat up and looked around the room; her quilt and Mr Waddle were strewn haphazardly around the room, thrown away in a fit of terror at some point in the night.

As she came to her senses the heart wrenching memory of being ripped apart from Chloe yet again appeared in front of her eyes. She had no idea what to do with herself.

As she slumped back down in bed there was a knock at her door. After a few seconds Nurse Kay slowly entered. In her peripherals Beca saw Kay looking at her with a look of pure compassion, she, more than anyone else understood how horrific this was for both of the girls and Beca knew that Nurse Kay was doing anything and everything in her power to try and reunite the two lovers.

"Come on Beca, I know it's the last thing you want to do right now but its time for group."

After Beca's lack of response to her statement Nurse Kay walked further into the room and sat down gently on the end of Beca's bed. She and Beca had come to have a mutual respect for each other over the past few weeks, and although she knew she shouldn't, Nurse Kay had developed a certain affection for the silent girl.

"Beca, I understand how hard this is but please, you need to get up honey."

Several tries later Nurse Kay gave up on her attempt to move Beca, knowing that forcing her into group therapy would probably make things even worse.

Beca lay in bed, thinking through everything that had happened. Her mind was clouded with constant thoughts of Chloe. She was beginning lose all hope, she didn't know if she could ever get better without Chloe by her side again.

'Its stupid and clichéd Beca, but you know its true. You can't live without her.' Beca thought to herself, staring bankly, helplessly at the ceiling above her, eyes drifting across to Chloe's still empty bed every so often.

In a way, Beca felt bad for Nurse Kay, she knew how hard the older Nurse was working to help her, but she just couldn't bring herself to do anything.

Little did Nurse Kay know that Beca had been tonguing her meds, especially her anti-depressants, over the last few weeks. They made her feel better, but they gave her insomnia. Nights and nights of not being able to sleep started to take its toll; her mind was overwrought with thoughts of Chloe, ideas, and things that she just couldn't bear thinking about any longer. She was buried so far inside her own brain, and couldn't do a thing about it. She couldn't tell anyone because she couldn't speak. So, she decided that putting up with the nightmares was a better alternative, and stopped taking the meds altogether.

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Nurse Kay slid her head around the solid oak door that separated Dr Nicks' office from the main corridor.

"Hi Kay, how are we this morning? I just wanted to talk to you because I heard that Beca didn't go to breakfast or group this morning. I was wondering if you knew anything about it?"

"Oh…yeah…I went in to wake her up and cajole her into going but she just wouldn't budge. She's getting worse. She's refusing to go to group, she barely eats. We need to do something." Nurse Kay said, actually tearing up slightly. This was the most she had ever cared for a patient. After not being able to have children of her own she felt like a mother figure to both Beca and Chloe, especially considering neither of their mothers seemed to neither understand their conditions nor be able to empathise with them in any way.

"Well", said Dr Nicks, "I may have something slightly positive to add to the situation. But as I say only _maybe…_"

As he said this Nurse Kay's heart jumped into her throat.

"Maybe is definitely better than nothing."

"Chloe has decided that she wants to speak to her father, tell him everything, try and let him understand. I'm hoping he'll see how much pain she's in and come to his senses."

"Well, all we can do is try", said Nurse Kay, silently praying for a miracle.

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Chloe sat in her room, waiting to be collected by Dr Nicks for her meeting with her father. She had requested a visit to his office earlier in the week to ask him for his help.

After the way her father further traumatised her and Beca by ripping them apart again she wanted to speak to him with the support of Dr Nicks beside her.

She wasn't entirely sure what she hoped to achieve from this, but in her mind this was Chloe's last-ditch attempt to get her father to understand her sexuality, and hopefully to be okay with it to some degree.

She knew this was optimistic but for the first time in her stay she felt like her father might actually listen to her, especially considering that her mother had significantly changed her attitude over the last few weeks, and was starting to put her daughter's health and happiness above her preconceptions about the way Chloe chose to live her life.

"Chloe, we're ready for you."

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"Good afternoon Mr Beale", Dr Nicks said confidently as her strode into the room and took his seat at the head of the table.

Chloe followed closely behind him and sat down too, her tiny frame further dwarfed by the large armchair she was sat in.

"Okay Mr Beale, lets not beat about the bush. Chloe has asked you here today so that she can talk to you privately, with my support, about one of the main issues which has influenced and potentially caused the disorders that she is struggling with at the moment. Chloe, if you'd like to start?"

Chloe looked up from her hands nervously, too worried about what her father's reaction may be to look him directly in the eye.

"Okay Daddy. I'm really sorry to bring you here and put this all on you, but I just wanted you to hear my side of everything that is happening. Please just let me finish and don't get angry", Chloe pleaded, looking so childlike with her miniscule frame and her timid voice.

"Fine."

"I…I…I know you're not okay with the fact that I'm gay, but I really just want you to understand, even just a little bit. I get that you haven't had much experience with gay people. You're religious, and I know that that's a big part of yours and mum's life. You grew up in a conservative family; I guess you've probably always been told that being gay is wrong. But isn't the biggest message in the bible to love? Jesus taught more than anything that you should love, and that has no conditions. I just want you to love me Daddy."

Tears were streaming down Chloe's face now, she attempted to continue speaking but her father interrupted her.

"I do love you Chloe, I love you with all my heart but this is just something that I can't condone. It's an abomination, an eternity in hell, and a disgrace to the family. _Leviticus 18:22: Man shalt not lie with a man as he does with a wom-"_

"Don't you dare start quoting the bible at me Daddy! Don't you dare!" Chloe yelled, standing up now.

"I can do what I damn well please! The bible condemns it, it is a sin and it will NOT be allowed to continue."

Chloe, now more angry than upset, looked to Dr Nicks. The older man wore shocked expression at Chloe's father's attitude. He never imagined that things would be this serious.

"Jesus said love your neighbor, treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. Is this how you would want me to treat you Daddy? If our roles were switched, would you not have done anything you could to make me love you?"

"_Corinthians 6:9: Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of heaven?"_

"_Matthew 5:7: Blessed are the merciful for they will receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God. BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE PERSECTUTED BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, FOR THEIRS IS THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. _Daddy I want you to love me for me. It is not a sin. I am your daughter and you should love me no matter what gender I love. Jesus loves me, so why can't you?! Because you're scared. You're fucking scared and you know it."

"I can't Chloe. I won't. It's not right and that is final. End of conversation."

Chloe looked down slowly, leaning back from her position over the table. Her previously confident defiance now faltered.

In little more than a whisper Chloe spoke up after almost a minute of silence.

"Fine. Don't consider me your daughter anymore."

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Chloe ran back to her room, sobbing uncontrollably. She drew several wary eyes on her way past, almost crashing into her doorframe before throwing herself onto her bed.

Laying there, head buried in her pillow, Chloe thought through everything that had just happened. In the most pathetic way she felt sorry for her father and his lack of understanding. He was just a naïve little child.

But mostly, she was hurt. She knew now that her father would never accept her and thus never truly love her, and without that love she could not live. Every little girl dreams of being the apple of her father's eye, something that Chloe was, until she came out. After that, her father never looked at her the same way. Underneath everything she achieved or did she could tell that her father was still disappointed in her, and always for the same reason.

Chloe now felt more alone than she had ever felt. She had lost the love of her life and the love of her father. She had no purpose on this earth anymore. More than anything, she now knew for sure that she'd never be able to get better without both Beca and her father by her side. She might as well give up now.

Reaching upwards to her bedframe, Chloe slowly and quietly lifted one of the knobs off the bedpost. Stashed away, unbeknown her to her Doctors and the nurses was her collection of pills: Fluoxetine and Doxepin mostly. Chloe delved her hand in, pulling out a handful of pills and lining them up in front of her, grouping them into colours and then reaching for a second handful.

Without pausing for even a second Chloe grabbed the plastic cup full of water off her bedside table and began to scoop up the pills; 3, 4, 5 at a time, gulped down one after another with a slosh of the clear liquid.

After reaching the end of the second line, Chloe's head started to spin, her vision blurring just slightly, but she carried on.

As she reached for the final pill her grip on consciousness wavered. She dropped the glass clutched in her hand and heard a faint smash behind the ringing of her ears. She slumped backwards onto the bed, her eyes drifting shut. There was a dull ache in her head; a nauseous feeling in her stomach and her mind was foggy.

She opened her eyes once more and thought she saw Nurse Kay above her, but then her eyes closed again.

And everything was black.


End file.
